Monday, June 22, 2009

I Would Just Like to Point Out....

That it is storming. AGAIN. We've been under so many thunderstorm warnings and tornado warnings in the past week that I have lost count. This is a really really weird Spring/Summer. It's gotten to the point where even I don't really care about the weather unless I'm actually out driving into a tornado or something. What can I do about it? I haven't acquired that super power to control the elements yet. And the HEAT- it's been in the 90s everyday for what feels like forever, but probably just since Wednesday.

Today I read that Heather over at pixelscribbles is having a similar problem with blogging that I am having. This blog used to be totally anonymous, but as I've let more and more people in on it, it is totally NOT anonymous anymore. And I am trying to get more comfortable with that. (To the point where I'm bringing it up randomly in conversations and then can't adequately express what the heck I'm trying to say and we ALL know I do better writing than talking so duh Heather, let's address this in the blog!) Three years ago I was talking about anything I felt like because it was a safe place to explore my feelings and opinions about a variety of topics. Now I am not shy about expressing myself (noooooo...?!) but (believe it or not... I know, you're not going to believe it) I sometimes feel like I'm not heard in conversations, or I don't want to interrupt so the moment passes, or I feel like someone who never gets their say is actually talking and I'd better let them have their moment, or I need to work things out a little more in my head so that I can really express my views on it, so it is better for me to write things. But now I wonder if the fact that I have more readers than I used to is getting in the way of writing candidly and honestly.

I also wonder if I'm getting sort of boring or if I'm a little TOO opinionated or if the people who know me in real life are sort of surprised about the topics I choose to write about here. I wonder about my format- should I have a theme? HeatherBakes has a great blog that is focused on food- all of the food she eats every day, which is much more interesting than it sounds because she's in chef school- with a little bit of life thrown in. Sal's theme at AlreadyPretty is on women and body issues. There are many many fashion blogs in my blogroll. I think I lack the focus for that kind of theme.... I mean, I can't just pick one! Would it be fiber/sewing stuff or food/body stuff or makeup reviews or TV I love to watch or what? I don't think it would work for me. Heather at Pixelscribbles and Heather at Dooce both write more journalistic blogs and not only are they really fun to read, I think I'm better at journally. I've always been a person who just writes whatever is in my head anyway. I think it is also good to be honest in writing, not just about good things but about more serious stuff like mental health and physical health and the feelings that come with that. I once found a link to my blog on another blog about panic disorder and anxiety, and I figure that if I can help someone out there recognize what is going on with them and get the help they need, that is AWESOME. (And I SWEAR I am not just picking Heathers to write about on purpose, there is a reason my blog is named what it is.)

Unless the topic is extremely personal, I've always used this blog as a journal and I think I'll keep it that way, at least for the time being. It helps me keep track of dates and what I was doing when. It helped me to realize my problem with the depression/anxiety ramp-up in the early summer. It has made me remember why I am doing what I am doing and kept me on track about things like exercise and the Great Nail Bite Out of '09. It is a good semi-public outlet for me. I think the only group of people I would NOT be comfortable getting in the vault (that was the only good line from The Women, "It's in the vault." Meaning, "It doesn't leave the walls of this room!") would be colleagues at work. And if that happened I guess I'd just have to suck it up. It's just that this is not the most professional side of myself, and it would definitely get in the way of me being open and real. I know that work-heather and life-heather aren't drastically different, but I'd like to pretend I'm on top of things at work. This wouldn't help!

1 comment:

Kate said...

I am having a similar problem with my blog. Mine is only just over a year old (I started right before my son was born because my sister/best friend lives half a country away and that way she wouldn't feel like she was missing out so much). I don't mind that people read it, but it is so weird when it comes up in conversation when I'm at work or with family/friends. I just try to censor myself without being untrue to myself.