Tuesday, June 09, 2009


I'm writing this at work and I will post it later because... well technically I'm done working but I'm waiting around to go to the gym instead of going home and then to the gym because if I did that I'd have all of five minutes at home so what's the point really? The guy in the office next to me thinks it is the funniest thing in the world that the Slim Jim plant blew up. There are people missing but it's still sort of cracking him up that there will be no Slim Jims for quite some time and what exactly are they putting in them that causes EXPLOSIONS? (For the record I don't think I've ever eaten one of those in my life. They look nasty.)
I'm doing the hardest thing in the world. I'm trying to stop biting my cuticles. Holy crap this is like kicking heroin. I gave myself a really nice manicure on Sunday night and bought not one, not two, but THREE different cuticle treatments (cuticle oil pen at work, shea butter in my purse, and a cuticle balm for my coffee table because I absently pick away at my poor little digits when I'm watching TV) so I'm not tempted to dig at dry bits of finger when I'm not paying attention. That really is helping them to heal up fast but I have looked at my fingertips and thought about not chewing on them approximately 15,343,954 times today. It's disgusting, and it's a deeply DEEPLY ingrained habit. I've been conscious of biting my nails since I was 7 years old, and I've tried stopping dozens of times, including hypnosis tapes. The worst part about it is that my cuticles itch like mad and I haven't gotten past that stage before. It's like (well, no, I guess it literally is) scar tissue that is healing up and itches like crazy and the only thing I've ever done to make it stop is gnaw on them. Now the only thing I can do is apply cuticle oil and rub it in and press on the sides of my fingernails really hard to try to get the itchy feeling to stop. It's such a small area and the skin is so delicate that it isn't like I can scratch them- then I'd be right back to where I was Saturday.
So there are a few reasons that I've decided this is the time to stop (again). #1 my nails looked disgusting and I was constantly hiding my bleeding stubs all the time and I'm sick of that because it feels childish. #2 I'm going to visit my mom next month which is always incentive to not keep up gross habits. (Hi Mom!) #3 Swine Flu. Seriously, how easily do you think I pick up viruses and bacteria thanks to having my fingers in my mouth all the time? Nasty. Time to stop. I'm tempted to post a picture on here of my hands as some sort of accountability and public humiliation but who wants to see that? Ummmm, NOBODY, I promise.

Big news this week: I have figured out what is wrong with me: Seasonal Depression. I used to get it in the winter, but I think over the past few years I've switched to the summer. From what I can find there isn't a definitive reason for people to have Summer SAD but I'm relieved just to know what is going on and that it will STOP because it won't be summer forever. I want to say that in the past I have been over this by August. So this should start calming down soon and then just go away completely and I'll forget what it was like to not be able to sleep, sort of like how I forgot what happened 2 years ago which is why I got Ambien in the first place. I'm gonna make it y'all!

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