So, I feel like talking to somebody about this, but I can't. So, any lucky person reading this (all two or three of you) can pretend that I'm having a very one-sided conversation instead. My weight has finally morphed from my feeling a little heavy at times but generally good about myself to something much... darker and sadder. I don't know if it was the constant talk from another Heather out there, a tiny body-obsessed one who was driving me nuts with the egg-whites and oatmeal and steamed salmon talk, or the fact that my jeans weren't fitting right, or the fact that I was tired all the time. On a completely more depressing level it was the fact that I cannot bring myself to tell MHM how much I weigh. And then realizing that I was saying I didn't want a nice pretty wedding because I don't think I can stand in front of people at this size in a big white dress.
I know, the saddest thing ever. Let's talk about my plummeting self-esteem later.
But I have finally decided to get off my butt and do something about this problem that I have FULL CONTROL over but seem to be too lazy to do anything about. This has been a big epiphany for me. I know I've heard about 10,000 times that the only person who can change you is YOU, but now I finally get it. No one will get me off my ass but me. Duh.
I wouldn't call it dieting, just eating more consciously. For instance, stopping when I'm full and not snacking incessantly. Trading better foods for foods I might have eaten before. And being good to myself about my food choices, because ultimately it IS my choice.
The second part is excerise. I have belonged to 2 gyms in the past but my going was sporadic at best and not very fun. Once I got there the noble feeling I had got me through my workout, but dragging myself there just sucked. So I'm not really a gym girl. But a woman at work just had gastric bypass surgery and has to walk every day. So I'm walking with her every afternoon and it's been really fun. Having a partner helps so much. At first it was hard and we did smaller walks, but we're up to a mile and a half in 1/2 an hour now, not too shabby! Since we starting walking, maybe 3 or 4 weeks ago, I've lost five lbs. Not anything excessive, but something is working, especially when you consider that Christmas was right in the middle of that. (I don't even want to mention that in the past 7 weeks my walking buddy has lost 40 lbs. But that's an entirely different thing.) This is the point where I get scared that something is happening and freak out and stop. I'm not doing that this time.
I've also been doing 100+ sit ups every night. Just because I want to. Soon I'll work in some arm weights, but not quite yet. My Dad got a Wii, on which I was bowling on Saturday and my shoulders are KILLING me.
So there, my weight-loss talk is over. That wasn't so bad, was it? On to less difficult subjects!
4 comments:
Good for you Heather!! I'm almost there....ready to take the plunge back into eating consciously and walking or moving in some purposeful way. I will check back to see how you are doing with it. Every time you make a DECISION to eat well or walk IS a huge accomplishment!!
Hello, just a lurker here who found your blog somewhat randomly :) Just wanted to drop a note and say that I've enjoyed what I have read of your posts. If you have a chance, feel free to check out my blog.
Happy Blogging
i just wanted to say that you are not alone when it comes to weight (but you know that right?). women are so hard on themselves when really, we are beautiful on the inside! now if only my jeans would agree...
I am trying so hard to commit to exercising but it can be a bitch sometimes. It really helped to have a personal trainer (even if it is a little expensive) because now i have someone to answer to besides myself. because myself would say HELL YEAH have that second helping of mac and cheese girlfriend!
Thanks for the encouragement everybody! Just knowing that other people out there have this problem is helping me stick to it. (But like Adina said,no one is alone on this one.) The only day so far I've missed my nightly situps was last Friday, and I haven't been walking every single day, more like 4 times a week or so. And hey, if I can keep it up, ANYBODY can keep it up. :) It feels good just to be doing something.
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