So, I feel like talking to somebody about this, but I can't. So, any lucky person reading this (all two or three of you) can pretend that I'm having a very one-sided conversation instead. My weight has finally morphed from my feeling a little heavy at times but generally good about myself to something much... darker and sadder. I don't know if it was the constant talk from another Heather out there, a tiny body-obsessed one who was driving me nuts with the egg-whites and oatmeal and steamed salmon talk, or the fact that my jeans weren't fitting right, or the fact that I was tired all the time. On a completely more depressing level it was the fact that I cannot bring myself to tell MHM how much I weigh. And then realizing that I was saying I didn't want a nice pretty wedding because I don't think I can stand in front of people at this size in a big white dress.
I know, the saddest thing ever. Let's talk about my plummeting self-esteem later.
But I have finally decided to get off my butt and do something about this problem that I have FULL CONTROL over but seem to be too lazy to do anything about. This has been a big epiphany for me. I know I've heard about 10,000 times that the only person who can change you is YOU, but now I finally get it. No one will get me off my ass but me. Duh.
I wouldn't call it dieting, just eating more consciously. For instance, stopping when I'm full and not snacking incessantly. Trading better foods for foods I might have eaten before. And being good to myself about my food choices, because ultimately it IS my choice.
The second part is excerise. I have belonged to 2 gyms in the past but my going was sporadic at best and not very fun. Once I got there the noble feeling I had got me through my workout, but dragging myself there just sucked. So I'm not really a gym girl. But a woman at work just had gastric bypass surgery and has to walk every day. So I'm walking with her every afternoon and it's been really fun. Having a partner helps so much. At first it was hard and we did smaller walks, but we're up to a mile and a half in 1/2 an hour now, not too shabby! Since we starting walking, maybe 3 or 4 weeks ago, I've lost five lbs. Not anything excessive, but something is working, especially when you consider that Christmas was right in the middle of that. (I don't even want to mention that in the past 7 weeks my walking buddy has lost 40 lbs. But that's an entirely different thing.) This is the point where I get scared that something is happening and freak out and stop. I'm not doing that this time.
I've also been doing 100+ sit ups every night. Just because I want to. Soon I'll work in some arm weights, but not quite yet. My Dad got a Wii, on which I was bowling on Saturday and my shoulders are KILLING me.
So there, my weight-loss talk is over. That wasn't so bad, was it? On to less difficult subjects!