Lately I have been tired- really tired- physically and emotionally. I'm usually a very positive person- I keep my chin up and hope for the best most of the time. I try to see the good in people and situations. And today I was driving to get some lunch and I realized why I am so damn tired. This has been the month/year (too soon to tell?) from hell. And through it all I have still tried to remain positive and see the good and all that crap and it is wearing me out- I think I have hit the limit of what I can take. Why so bad in 2007? Well, consider these points:
- The year started off with chaos at work. CHAOS. I have been slammed with projects as our department gets smaller.
- My Dad is moving to Hong Kong. I moved to my Fair City to be a little closer to some family (still a good 2 hour drive away, but better than 8!), and now that family is leaving.
- Since Dad is going, he's selling the old house, which has been empty for years now. It is really hard work getting it presentable, not just physically demanding, but a long, drawn-out goodbye to the house my family spent the most time in.
- One of my theater friends from several years ago got stomach cancer last year. He died a couple of weeks ago and I didn't get to go to his funeral. (I was at my Mom's commencement for her Master's degree and Gloria Steinham gave the address and I got to hang out with my mom and my sis and that was great. I wouldn't trade that weekend for anything.) Anyway, I hadn't seen him in over a year and I'm dealing with some impressive guilt about that.
- My mom's ex-girlfriend, who has been a friend for years, is really sick. It could be cancer. It could be something else. She's getting weaker and weaker and no one knows why.
- MHM has found out that he has diabetes and a slew of other health problems creeping up on him. He's pretty young for this, but he has been doing well with eating low sugar/fat/salt and not getting bored to tears with his diet. Now if he would just quit smoking I could maybe be more comfortable with the whole thing.
- MHM and I are having issues. I don't know what the future holds for us. We can't change. And we can't change each other. Part of the charm of being with someone is that they are different from you. Part of the frustration is that they are different from you. Go figure.
So I think that if I feel like crawling into a hole and not coming out, that is completely excusable. Also, if I feel like sleeping until noon because the insomnia has been brutal, I think that should be excusable too. But I'm not sure how work will feel about that one....
2 comments:
I'm sorry to hear that so many trying things are hitting you all at once. Maybe you should think about taking some vacation time and just getting away from everything for a little bit?
I'm sure you already know this, but the times when you're stressed out about other things are the absolute worst times to evaluate a relationship. You're going to get on each other's nerves at a time like this. The real test is how you feel when the burden has been lifted.
Your lover can be a best friend, a partner, a confidante, a mentor, a student...all kinds of things. But never your therapist. Just as you can never be his. Partners have to ride out the storm together, turning to each other for strength, but they can't expect the other to solve anything.
But like I said, you probably already know all that :) It's just good to keep in mind. I know exactly what you mean about the differences thing. You have no idea how many times when I was stressed out about stuff like classes and graduating and what kind of work I wanted to do that I thought my life would be so much simpler if I broke up with Sean. I even tried to do it a couple of times. But I didn't actually want to break up with him, and he knew it, and thankfully he was able to show me that.
So yeah.
Regardless of all that, I hope things get better for you. *hug*
Heather- Thank you so much for your words of encouragement and advice. I know this isn't the time to evaluate anything, much less my relationship, but it is good to hear (read) when you're right in the middle of it. I appreciate it.
I told my boss I'm taking a personal day tomorrow. It's all I can really take off and I need a day for sleep, if nothing else. How sad is it to be excited about sleeping in when I don't even have kids or anything to make it a real luxury? Then I plan to sit around and read and drink tea in bed until I feel like getting dressed. A good mental health day is definitely in order.
Thanks :)
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