The Books... Part 3

So you might guess from the tone of yesterday's post that the romance novels have gone straight to my head and now I can't write anything without some sort of throbbing innuendo. OMG it was just a vacuum cleaner!

Internets, I have a confession to make. I can't take the romance novels. I know I started off with really great intentions but now... after reading one and a half of these I cannot make myself read anymore. The writing is appalling and the story lines are all the same. I will give you the formula:

Foreign hot dude who is basically sex on legs. But has a temper. He has to be tamed. He is also gorgeous and tends to be described in terms of animals (stallion, tiger, whatever).

+

Relatable American woman who yearns and longs for things even she doesn't understand- but in a very relatable, if prim, way. Sort of dull girl-next-door quality, probably smoking hot but doesn't realize it. Snooze.

+

Exotic location (Greece, Italy, Paris- nothing TOO exotic. Wouldn't want any danger of crossing racial lines!)

-

All Common Sense (if only for a moment of deep un-understandable passion)

+

Weird romantic past (dated in high school, college, were married, their exes are married, whatever)

+

The most important part- the CONSEQUENCES of sex with hot dude. Usually pregnancy. Because really a raging case of chlamydia just isn't that sexy and would not draw this couple together by the end of the book.
=
Predictable harlequin romance that you couldn't pay me to read at this point.

I can't take any more. I am sorry. I failed in my promise to review each book for you because I could feel my brain cells crying.