Wednesday, October 25, 2006

Mean, Yet Entertaining, Old Women

So yesterday I was at Kohl's, searching for dressy/work jackets. It has been quite the hunt, let me tell you. This weekend, after a clothing crisis of epic proportions, MHM and I hit about a thousand (on second thought, 6 or 7) stores looking, searching, trying on, arguing the possible merits of each one. Mostly it was finding either something hideous that could NOT WORK even with intense tailoring, or something that was fabulous but $250. I feel like this whole thing would be easier if I wasn't so significantly on the plus size end of things, but then I realize that I'm a picky girl and it would probably not make a difference. I just have to know where to look.

So, we went to: Macy's, Dillard's, Parisian, Lane Bryant Outlet, Lane Bryant (regular), and some other store sort of like that but way cheaper and more casual and a lot more denim. The best was at Parisian, a Nine West (very favoritist brand) velvet jacket with cool seams in a really pretty dark teal color, but it was $249. Ummmm, no. I might have a job that pays decent and all that, but I've still got student loans and dumb credit card decisions to pay down, so there was no way. I sulked home, thinking I'd have to settle for some color-blocked black and red monstrosity, with horizontal stripes and great big gold buttons. This is the genius design scheme of entirely too many plus size lines: detract attention from any "flaws" by concealing them with horrible shapeless bags in hideous prints and enormous stripes. Ugh. What is a 20-something person to do? Wait, and watch, and wait. I was sooo excited when Old Navy started a Women's section, I hardly knew what to do with myself. It's progress. (Aside from the fact that their fabric is so cheap it shrinks up to unwearable after about 4 washings. I guess I'll have to stop with all that silly laundry business.)

In desperation and a bit of obsession, I went to Kohl's yesterday on my lunch break, and tore through the small but, for the most part, tasteful plus size area and picked up some stuff to try on. A t-shirt, 3 jackets, a sweater, a Daisy Fuentes gathered monstrosity that just looked fun, and some ruffled, tiered, lace number. Wooo hooo! Tried it all on. And wonder of wonders, a shrunken velvet blazer and a suit jacket worked. Perfectly. Best of all, they were 1/2 off. Off I went to the register to get out of there before my jackets turned to dust or something.

This was where the real fun began. At the register was a family- Grandma, Mom, Dad, and little girl. Mom was pregnant. Mom was on a wheel chair. Mom was crazy. Every single thing that got rung up, and believe me, there was a lot, wasn't ringing up with the discount Mom thought she should be seeing. They were there for 20 minutes, and she fought every single price that rang up. Kids shoes for $8.70? NO! That should have an extra 10% off! It didn't. She changed her mind over 87 cents. Jeans for $16.00? No, they were supposed to be $15.50. Believe me, I'm on a budget and I understand saving money, but she was militant.

All this did not go over well with the next person in line, who happened to be in front of me. She was in her 60s, a tiny bird-like (I hardly ever see where that expression is useful, but it is here) woman who was getting more irritated by the minute. She turned to me and held an entire conversation from the side of her lipstitcked mouth. "That woman has been at it for 15 minutes now. Everything has to have a discount."
"Oh. Really?"
"Yes, I'm going to kill her. She's pregnant, and has to be in a wheelchair. Well she don't look pregnant to ME. And she doesn't have to keep me waiting for this long, I didn't get her that way. Bitch."
"Ummm, oh." I really wasn't sure what to say to this lady. The Mom wheeled by.
"Fat COW." This was said a bit louder than strictly necessary. Which would be as quietly as possible. She looked at me and smiled broadly. "I'm mean."
"At least you're entertaining...."

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