Lip Products In My Purse

Originally published 7/30/15

This morning I cleaned my purse out, and here's what I had in there.  I usually keep two lipsticks/glosses/balms in my bag but I always forget and throw in whatever I put on in the morning to touch up throughout the day.  And then I never take it out, and then I add another one the next day, and suddenly my box of lipstick is looking kinda low and I'm like "Where the heck did all of my lipstick go?"

So here's what I found in in the bottom of my purse today:


Left to right:
Jordana Twist & Shine Moisturizing Balm Stain in Honey Love ~$3
Revlon Super Lustrous Lipgloss in 260 Rosy Future $8.29
Make Up For Ever Rouge Artist Natural in N9 Copper Pink $20 for full size (Sephora sample)
NARS Satin Lip Pencil in Rikugien (rose pink) $26 for full size (Sephora birthday gift)
Estee Lauder Pure Color Long Lasting Lipstick in Pink Parfait $26 (gift with purchase)
Rimmel Lasting Finish by Kate Lipstick in 08 $5.79
Clinique Chubby Stick (shudder, that name is awful) in 05 Chunky Cherry $17
Revlon Super Lustrous Lipstick in 674 Coralberry $8.29

And what is so funny to me is that with two exceptions, these are all pretty much the same color (swatched in the same order as above):


The Estee Lauder one is pinker than I usually go for and the Revlon Coralberry is very coral compared to the rest, although in my collection I have at least 3 other lipsticks nearly the same color.
Otherwise, we're pretty strong into the neutral pinky/rosy/copper shades.  Most of these I don't even need a mirror to apply because they are the color of my lips anyway.  And since I use these all the time they are strong favorites but... I really need to venture out into some bolder lip products!  What's in your purse?

L'Oreal Paris Infallible Eyeshadows

Originally published 7/27/15

And now...  some of my favorite drugstore eye shadows!  If the Naked Palettes and Two Faced Palettes and Urban Decay shadows are overwhelming both in price and scope (how do I pick just ONE of 50+ $18 shadows?), I recommend wandering over to the other end of the price/variety spectrum and exploring the options in the L'Oreal Paris Infallible line.   I have been using these for years, and I have yet to find one that I didn't think was top notch quality.



These shadows are somewhere between a pressed powder and a pigment, so they come with a little stopper/presser thing to keep the product tamped down in place.  I don't think they would make a mess if you dropped them or anything, but they say not to discard the presser, so I don't.  Because they aren't so tightly packed they have a creamy feel to them and are easy to pick up and apply.  I usually just rub my finger across the surface of the shadow, apply the shadow to my lid (I always use a primer for everything, I have oily lids) and then blend the color out with a brush to make sure the edges are even.  You don't want to use too much.  This stuff grabs on, and in the case of Amber Rush or Bronzed Taupe, you can get a VERY metallic look if you want to.

Here are the colors in their containers.  They are extremely pigmented.

What would life be without swatches?  From the left:  Iced Latte, Amber Rush, Bronzed Taupe, Gilded Envy, and Perpetual Purple.

Here's some slightly different light:


Here are the colors I own (there are way more):

Iced Latte is a neutral beige shimmer that I usually use as an inner corner or brow-bone highlight.  Like all highlighters nothing in the world says you can't use it on other parts of your face, it would do very well.  On me this is neither too pink or too gold.  This is a good dupe for Beige in the Lorac Pro 2 Palette.


Amber Rush is very coppery.  I love this color and wear it a lot, especially in the spring and summer.  It makes my blue eyes pop, but it isn't too bright.  It is in my favorite bronzy/pinky/taupey category of eyeshadow colors.  This is very similar to Rosé in the Lorac Pro 2 palette, but Amber Rush has more shimmer.


Having said that, Bronzed Taupe was meant for me.  I wear this shadow ALL THE TIME, it goes with everything.  If I'm in a hurry and just don't want to bother thinking through what I'm going to put on my face, this makes for a neutral yet "done" eye in seconds.  This happens to be similar to Chrome in the Lorac Pro 2 Palette, but Chrome is slightly more purple.

 
Gilded Envy is a silvered green.  On my eye it goes grey with a touch of silver shimmer to it.  It is very pretty but not one I reach for very often because it is pretty dramatic.


Perpetual Purple is gorgeous and has some shimmer to it.  I could not resist buying it.  Unlike a lot of dark purple shadows, it stays purple on my skin, it doesn't just go dark gray on you.  I don't wear this one too often but when I do I always get compliments.

The L'Oreal Paris Infallible shadows are sold pretty much wherever the brand is sold.  I have seen them priced from $5 to $8, and different stores seem to stock different colors.
These pair very well over the Maybelline Color Tattoo cream eyeshadows, which I will have to dive into in another post.

And yes I also need to do a Lorac Pro 2 review, because I've mentioned it in so many posts now.  It's coming too!

Why Makeup? What Is This Blog All About?

Originally published 7/25/15

Some friends outside of the blog world have expressed surprise or confusion about my starting a makeup blog.  I am not an obvious beauty junkie.  I wear makeup, but not gobs of it (usually), and as I've gotten older my preferences have calmed down some.  But I LOVE makeup.  I read blogs, watch makeup videos on youtube, and read product reviews semi-obsessively.  I try out all kinds of things and love getting to compare high- and low-ends of the spectrum.  And I have a lot of opinions about what is good and what I think my money should be spent on.

This the drawer of "everyday" makeup

As expectations grow, and the market grows, drugstore brands have been forced to improve their products to stay competitive, which is good for us as consumers.  There are a few things that I will buy high-end (skincare "treatments", shampoo, palettes), but there are many more things (I'm looking at you mascara) that I just can't justify buying high-end when I know there is (or has to be) a comparable product for not even a third of the cost.  So something I plan to focus on will be high- vs low-end dupes (meaning they are interchangeable products).  I'll also share drugstore makeup that I think is just awesome.

Brushes!  Tools!

I plan to talk about feelings around makeup, particularly for those who have very little makeup experience.  I want to talk about HOW to buy makeup, where to go to make your purchases, and what you should look for.  I will talk some about application (which means yes, I am going to share my makeupless face for the entire world at some point), and different techniques to get the look you want.  Like 99% of the population I have a face that is far from perfect, but I think it would be helpful to see how a non-model can use products to improve or enhance her appearance.

In addition to all that, I am a fragrance fanatic, so perfume will absolutely be a topic of conversation.  As my nose has developed I have discovered that perfumes that smelled very "old lady" to me a decade ago are amazing works of art.  Like any other art, it takes time to develop a palette and appreciation for something different.

All that said, on to the pretty!  Please let me know if you have any suggestions or ideas- I would love to add them to my list.

Dupes! Kat Von D vs Physician's Formula Liquid Eyeliner Pens

Originally published 7/20/15

You know, one thing I never really thought I could get the hang of was liquid eyeliner.  The little stubby brushes in the little pots of ink were a MESS on me.  Gel liner was slightly better, and with the Essence Gel Liner and an angled brush from Sonia Kashuk, I could do a decent winged look.
But it never stayed on completely. I have hooded lids or deep-set eyes or whatever we're calling it now.  When my eyes are open there is very little to no visible lid between my lashline and my browbone.  So liner will usually get oily and crease up and look really terrible within hours.
Enter the Physician's Formula 2-in-1 Lash Boosting Eyeliner + Serum.  (Whew, let me go recover from typing that ridiculously long name).  It's a felt-tip pen.  It is SO easy to use.  And the liner stays put for hours.


I love this stuff.  I can't say that the "boosting serum" part has done anything at all, I'm only talking about the eyeliner properties.  It's the only eyeliner I would use until...  I was scrolling through Instagram, as one does, and Kat Von D posted pictures of her limited Edition Anniversary Tattoo Eyeliner.  The packaging is GORGEOUS, and $1 of every sale goes to the California Wildlife Center.  SOLD!  (Thank you for helping me justify my makeup purchases, good causes.)



Oh my goodness, it's SO PRETTY!  Look at that packaging.  And once you rip it open- the stars!



Then I got to looking at the product, and the similarities are striking:



Same size and pen shape...



No seriously....


They look exactly the same.  But how do they perform?

Maybe 30 minutes after I applied both to the back of my hand (Physician's Formula is on the left, Kat Von D is on the right):

Pretty much exactly the same texture.  Physician's Formula was a little blacker.

Two hours later:


Kat Von D is fading faster.  3 hours in:


Both looking a little faded.  Physician's Formula held up slightly better, but they're both still very good.  On my eyes the Kat Von D starts to break down after about 5 hours, and the Physician's Formula will stay put for at least 8.

The Physician's Formula 2-in-1 Lash Boosting Eyeliner and Serum is available at Ulta for $10.99.  The Kat Von D Five Fearless Years Limited Edition Tattoo Liner is available at Sephora for $24.00.  I know which one I'll be repurchasing....

Urban Decay Naked Smoky - SWATCHES!

Originally published 7/18/15



Following up yesterday's post, here are some swatches of all of the shades from the Urban Decay Smoky Palette!  (I needed good light, and some help from my lovely assistant... my boyfriend.)
Without further ado, here they are! (Click pictures to make them massive.)

The Shimmers:

High, Dirtysweet, Radar, Armor

The Satins:

Slanted, Dagger, Black Market, Smolder

The Mattes:

Password, Whiskey, Combust, Thirteen

Radar does not have great color payoff- you have to work with it more than the others to get it to show up.  Thirteen is there, I promise.  It is a matte white so it doesn't show up on my NW20 skin in photos at all.  I hope the swatches are helpful!  Let me know if there's anything else you'd like pictures of.

Picture taking is a super classy affair done on my back porch with a pile of baby-wipes and me going "The sewer cap isn't in the picture, is it?  Ehhh I can just crop it out..."



Like my nails?  ME TOO!  The color is Maybelline Color Show Nail Polish in Blue Bombshell.


Happy Saturday!  I'm off to Nordstrom for the sale and MAC for a good browse.

Urban Decay Naked Smoky Palette Review and (Near) Dupes

Originally published 7/17/15

The Urban Decay Palette Machine has cranked out yet another huge and expensive palette for the masses, but this is no ordinary Naked Palette.


I purchased the first Naked Palette when it debuted in 2011.  I was on a lengthy Sephora waiting list, back when they came with eyeliners instead of brushes (the pencils were the hold up in production, they have since been replaced with what I can only assume are easier to manufacture brushes).  It finally came to me for the then-exorbitant price of $44.  I like the palette, but I realized over time that I only really used 4 colors out of the 12:  Sin, Naked, Hustle, and Toasted.  I found myself wishing that it had more matte shades and not so much fall-out on the glitter.

Fast forward to yesterday when I was standing in line in Ulta at 11 am, clutching my new Naked Smoky palette the morning it hit stores, and realizing that two women behind me also had one each.  Urban Decay has created a monster!  I'm sure it was gone by noon.  And the price has increased by $10 to $54.

Over the past few years, I have looked at the various iterations of Naked, the Naked2 (too similar to the first one), the Naked3 (way too trendy & pink), the Naked Basics (both of them), Naked On-the-Run, and none of them really held my attention for long.  Until I got the email last week for the Naked Smoky Palette.  The four years since my first Naked purchase have taught me a lot of things, the most important (well, as far as makeup is concerned) being that a palette must have:

• a light shimmer for highlight
• a light matte for more highlight/blending
• a medium matte shade for transitional color
• good neutral-toned taupes and greys
• a black
• a brown
• minimal glitter

DING DING DING!  Winner winner chicken dinner!

Ok, I think that the name is dumb.  The entire concept of Naked was that it would be natural and fairly neutral, so Naked Smoky?  Dumb.  A long time ago I bought the Urban Decay Smoked Palette, but this one is completely different from that too.

So, to the pictures!

The Shimmers:


The Satins:


The Mattes:


Comps:
The Lorac Pro 2 palette and the Too Faced Boudoir Eyes Palette have a lot of similar shades.

There aren't any true dupes in any of these.
Lorac Pro 2 Similarities:

• Password is similar to Cool Gray in the Lorac Pro 2 palette, but not as purple.
• High is the same color as Beige (LP2), but the texture is different- High has more sparkle
• Radar and Mocha (LP2) are almost dupes, but Mocha is slightly more red-toned.
• Radar and Rosè are similar, but Rosè is more peachy while Radar is brown.
• Slanted has more black to it than Silver in the LP2 palette.

Too Faced Boudoir Eyes Similarities:

• Smolder is similar to Voulez-Vous in the Boudoir Eyes palette, but Smolder has more black.
• Combust is more pink than Fuzzy Handcuffs in the Boudoir Eyes pallete.
• High is slightly lighter toned than Sugar Walls.

There are some similar shades in the Balm Nute'tude palette too:

• High and Stand-offish are VERY close.  Stand-offish might be slightly more gold and High is a touch more pink, but they're definitely interchangeable.
• Armor and Selfish are the same color, but Armor has a little more sparkle.
• Black Market and Serious look the same on the skin.

Overall the texture and color payoff are exactly what I expect from an Urban Decay palette- excellent.  The only shade I don't love is Armor, because it has so much sparkle in it.  I wouldn't call it a GLITTER, but it does push into glitter territory more than the other shimmer shades do.

The packaging for the Naked Smoky palette is the best I've seen so far in the Naked Palettes.  It is a solid plastic case with the name in raised silver letters.  The palette has a marbled (smoky!) look and the back is translucent.  It has a nice big mirror on the inside lid and closes with magnets.

I always forget to talk about brushes because they seem like an afterthought, but the brush in this palette isn't bad.  It is double ended with a pencil brush on one side and a fluffier blending brush on the other.  The pencil brush was fine and did the job.  The blending brush was slightly floppier than I like and a little scratchy on my lid, but that might improve with washing.  I used my trusty Real Techniques Deluxe Crease Brush.

The Urban Decay Naked Smoky Palette is available at Sephora, Ulta and Urban Decay's website.

Stay Tuned!

Originally published 7/16/15

There will be content here soon!  Pretty, lush, sparkly, creative content.

FOMO

​

This has been running through my head lately and I need to put it somewhere so it's going on my old blog (despite blogging being a dying art- no one wants to take all that time to READ, heavens!- but I can't sum this up on a meme for Instagram) and on Facebook. It initially started as a Facebook post but then it just kept snowballing. Now it feels ​like Jerry Maguire's Mission Statement.

When I lived in London nearly 18 years ago (seriously, I had to work that out on the calculator because when I did the math in my head I was like there is NO WAY it has been that long- but the little kids I looked after back then are grown up and traveling the world and getting married and who knows what else) social media didn't even exist. It cost money just to check my email on a computer in the bookstore basement, and only one (very rich) girl I knew had a cell phone. That year was a time of massive personal growth for me, and I would not have been as completely immersed in the experience of living in another country as I was if Facebook had been tying me back to the friends I already had back home. How would I have met new people if I had my nose in my phone scrolling through Facebook on the train to school? How would I have joined up with the crazy Australian girls (pretty much a college travel requirement) in York if I had been distracted by a text conversation with friends from high school? Would I have been as engrossed in the history of Hampton Court Palace if I was trying to take (and filter) the perfect picture for Instagram while I was there?

Does social media hold us back from participating in new experiences? How are we making room for new things in our lives when what we're being presented with is a blue/white (it's black and gold!) dress or a red cup that has to be analyzed immediately, with opinions formed instantly​, and the entire episode discarded from the collective conscious within a day? The "info-edu-entertainment" variety of social media is isolating and insulating. Don't get me wrong- Facebook and the like are amazing tools (and I'm using those tools RIGHT NOW, I get the irony). But I want to explore how I can use them to open my world up instead of making it smaller. 

Fear Of Missing Out on social media is literally causing us to miss out on our very real lives. We are distracted because we want to share everything with everyone. We can't just enjoy what we're doing, can't live fully in the moment, because many of us are wondering how we can share that moment with everyone who sees our feeds, and be validated that we're doing something worthwhile by the number of likes we get. Do we even know how to be completely present in the moment without that validation? And how many times do you look at someone's "perfect" online life and wonder where you went wrong? It is hard not to compare yourself with posts from celebrities on Twitter, let alone Pinterest and Instagram. Don't think for a minute that those "candid" pictures of the perfect house, perfect car, perfect garden, perfect body, perfect meal, and ​perfect vacation, which can make you feel completely inadequate, ​aren't heavily staged and edited. ​No one needs more pressure to live up to expectations so unrealistic that they require 3 apps to make an image post-worthy. Make sure what you're comparing yourself to is REAL.

I worry about how focused we have become on every. single. tiny. detail. that is brought to our attention. Think for a moment about who determines what those details are. There is a lot of very broad, shallow knowledge out there. Can we determine for ourselves what is really important anymore? On a darker note, our focus is being pulled in a million different directions by advertisers and influencers who continue to get more and more subtle in their ways of getting into your head (and your wallet). All that yelling on “news” programs? They know that "fight" gains them attention, and therefore more advertisers. When two of their actors (sorry, I can't say anchors) go toe to toe about an issue, do you really think they're sharing their honest opinions, or the opinion that is likely to get the most clicks when it is summarized in a piece on an aggregate website and shared on Twitter? The media loves a crisis. Elections will probably be won or lost based in part on someone losing their cool on a campaign stop and getting recorded on a 7th grader's cell phone and that video going viral within hours. There is no time to edit. There is no time for reflection. The only response we see is reaction.

We are so quick to judge and slow to forgive.

This is the world we live in. Do I want to stop my involvement? No, I would be completely out of touch with many things I find important. Do I feel overwhelmed by all of the STUFF coming at me? Absolutely. Don't we all?

Sexism. It's Everywhere.

THIS is a fantastic commentary on a wonderful speech about sexism on the show “Scandal” of all things.  Lisa Kudrow does a great job as a woman who is trying to get the nomination for president.  She completely dresses down her opponent, the interviewer, and the network for the every day subtle sexism that plagues the lives of women everywhere.

I don’t know how long this link will work, but I hope it isn’t pulled before you get to see it.

Originally posted 11/11/13.

"EXCUSE"???

This brilliant piece of writing is in response to this obnoxious photo.

I wish that there wasn’t a need for those who aren’t fitting into society’s mold to list their reasons why, but I know it is necessary.  Until people understand there will never be acceptance.  And when it comes to body image, fat acceptance, and ending the desire to cover bullying criticism with “concern”, understanding is the only way to go.

What the hell is so scary about fat people?

One of the comments on the post pointed to this excellent, and very moving, TED talk:

I’m not saying anything new, I just want to put it out there and share.

Originally posted 10/31/13.

Break the Cycle

I recently had a conversation about race and labels that really set the wheels in motion about the bigger picture.  I’ve been thinking about it for days.

It made me feel like a tree-hugging hippie too.  But sometimes I am a tree-hugging hippie.

I went to dinner with some friends of mine last week, and the issue of race came up.  It wasn’t so much the issue of race as it was the issue of labels.  Specifically, the word “nigger”.  (I have to admit that just typing that made me feel like a horrible person.  But it is the point of this post so I’m not going to gloss over it by saying “the n-word”.  That would take the power from the word.)

So, the person talking about this grew up in the deep south.  He and his friends have no problem using the word “nigger” and other derogatory terms for black people.  He laughed it off like it’s not a big deal.  He pointed out that black people use that word with each other all the time, so why is it any different when he says it?

Then he said that where he’s from black people hate white people just as much as white people hate black people, so what is the problem with using words like that when they’re just as racist as we are?

I can’t even describe the thoughts that race around my head when conversations like this come up.  I am going to try to put them in order but it gets messy.

#1 Labels.  Words hurt.  My friends and I can sit around and joke about my fat white ass, but if a stranger talks about my fat white ass that’s a WHOLE other thing.  It goes from casually laughing with friends to being targeted for an aspect of my physicality.  If I call my close female friends “tramps” or “hookers” it is from a place of silly fun.  I never mean it, and the irony is that if I did mean it I would certainly never say it.  And I would NEVER label a stranger with a word like that.  I have a feeling that being called a nigger would feel about 1000 times worse.  I have no exact frame of reference, since I am a white person, but being a woman can be marginalizing as well.  So maybe I do have a hint of understanding about this.

#2 While I’m sure that I have subconsciously racist tendencies just like everyone else, I really don’t like being put in the “us” versus “them” box when people talk about race.  If “we” hate black people, and “we” are hated by black people, I don’t want to be a part of your “we”.

#3 Stereotypes.  Generalizations.  I am sure that not every black person in Mississippi hates white people.  And vice versa. Groups of people may share some attitudes, but there are always exceptions.  There are always going to be those who don’t identify with a group they inherently belong to.  And there will be those who are actively trying to change perceptions and relations.

#4  Which ties directly to this: telling yourself that an entire group of people hates you gives you an excuse to not bother trying.  This is cowardice and laziness and fear.  Don’t get to know people who are different from you, they’ll hate you anyway.  Don’t waste your precious time helping your neighbor, they won’t want your help because they hate you.  When you examine Muslims vs Christians, Rich vs Poor, Black vs White, Gays vs Whoever Hates Gays (for whatever reason), there is an underlying idea that the few represent the whole.

Are all Muslims terrorists?  Of course not.  If those who hold hate towards all Muslims did some research they would be shocked at how peaceful the religion is.  I can’t think of one religion where killing is condoned, but all religions have some extremists who use their faith as a front.

Are all Christians right-wing conservatives?  Of course not.

Are all poor people lazy good-for-nothings and all rich people greedy republican snobs?  Again, of course not.

Do all black people and all white people hate each other?

I hope you see where I’m going with this.

And here’s where I turn into a hippie.  We are all citizens of this planet.  We are all people with the same feelings, hopes, and fears.  We all want our children to have better lives than we do.  Nothing makes us better or worse than anyone else except for maybe being close minded and indifferent.  The world won’t be a better place if we don’t put aside our differences and come together in the spirit of understanding and bridge-building.

If you want to be Christian about it, Jesus taught about acceptance, and loving your enemies while praying for those who persecute you.  Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.  Do you want people to hate you?  No.  No one wants to be hated.  So you have to be the one who turns the other cheek and practices what you preach.

Be a rebel!  Be the one who goes against the grain and questions hatred and prejudice.  Am I getting preachy?  Yes.  Because I truly believe that intolerance and a lack of compassion or understanding are where the world’s problems come from.

I will leave you with quotes!  I have heard these so often since I was a child that they feel familiar as breathing, but when you really REALLY think about them, they are profound.

“Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that.  Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.”  Dr Martin Luther King, Jr.

“Nothing in this world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity.”  Dr Martin Luther King, Jr.

“You must be the change you wish to see in the world.”  Mahatma Gandi

“A coward is incapable of exhibiting love, it is the prerogative of the brave.”  Mahatma Gandi

Originally posted 10/30/13.

Oh Balls

“We find that for women who continuously drive cars, their children are born with varying degrees of clinical problems.”

No word yet on the effects it will have on the testes.

Originally posted 10/1/13.

Shaking My Head

This story made the news last month.  A judge ruled that a couple couldn’t name their baby “Messiah.”  She made them change it, even though the case she was working on pertained to the baby’s last name, not the first.

Problem solved.

I’d like to point out that there are a number of names that also mean Messiah or “Anointed”.  A quick Google search brought up: Christian (and it’s million variations), Emmanuel, Shiloh, and Seth.

I am constantly amused/bewildered/outraged  by Tennessee and wonder what those who don’t live here must think of the people and politics.  Sometimes it is baffling.

Originally Posted 9/24/13.

Incorrect Language

This article on CNN details what happened to a child when she was married to a man in his 40s in Yemen.  The first sentence says:

“Yemen’s human rights minister wants child marriage outlawed after an 8-year-old girl reportedly died of internal injuries that she suffered on her wedding night.”

While this sentence is outlining a horrible act that happened to young girl, it doesn’t go far enough or place the focus in the right place.  Where is the mention of her attacker (husband)?  A better way to put this sentence might be:

“Yemen’s human rights minister wants child marriage outlawed after a 40 year old man raped an 8 year old girl, resulting in her death.”

Wedding night brings to mind romance, anticipation (the good kind), and kindness.  It doesn’t invoke the terror and violence and pain this child experienced.  Later in the story they phrase this type of violence against girls in a slightly better way: “In 2010, a 12-year-old Yemeni bride died of internal bleeding following intercourse three days after she was married off to an older man…”

There is a lot of controversy in Yemen around this crime, the least of which is if it is even a true story.  To me the fact that it is possible is enough.  It is bringing up the right questions so maybe something positive will come out of it and the laws can be changed.  This is not the first story of its kind out of Yemen.

CNN should know better than to make the story only about the girls who are married off too young.  The story should be about why men in their 30s, 40s, and older are finding it acceptable to “marry” and then rape girls who are far too young for sex in every way.  They may be their wives by law and probably considered property (that may be the only means of survival for girls living in extreme poverty around the world), but they are still children.  Anyone who can’t recognize that needs help.

Originally posted 9/17/13.

Language and Labels

A TED Talk about  violence against women.

What struck me most in this was how the language of violence against women is framed to keep from labeling men (or attackers) as abusers and therefore labels women (or the attacked) as victims, starting at about 2:50.

1.  John beat Mary.  (John is the subject, Mary is the object)

2. Mary was beaten by John.  (Same sentence, passive voice, Mary is now the subject)

3. Mary was beaten.  (John is out of the picture, it’s all about Mary)

4. Mary was battered. (The term commonly used now)

5. Mary is a battered woman.  (Mary’s identity)

Do you see how men have been completely removed from the story, and therefore from claiming responsibility?  The label and responsibility now rests on the person who is abused.  You rarely hear in the news that “A man raped a woman,” it’s almost always, “A woman was raped.”  Language is a very powerful tool in the fight for equality and identity of people as people, not just victims.

While I am all for protecting victims and making sure they are not named if they don’t want to be, I think it is important that the person abused has an identity outside of what was done to them, while the abuser is held responsible.  So when you look at your neighbor with the bruises you don’t think, “Oh poor Mary, why is she still there?”  Instead you could think, “John belongs in jail.”  Although the statistics on that are depressing and show a shocking lack of resources for the Marys of the world.

Originally posted 9/17/13.

Introduction

Hello.  My name is Heather and I am a developing feminist/humanist.

After posting so many articles and other forms of information on facebook having to do with inequality and injustice around the world and in my own back yard, I decided it was time to just give the subject its own space.

Stuff From Another Blog

Last summer I cooked up this grand scheme that I was going to start a blog about human rights and feminism.  There was a lot of stuff going on that I found upsetting and wasn't covered in the news to my liking.  SO I started a wordpress blog.

Then I started to find other blogs that were addressing my feelings about these things.  And the comments on those blogs really made me mad.

I decided that I didn't want to receive so much hateful stuff in my comments, and that I wasn't really going to offer anything new.  So after about 4 posts, I stopped.

I don't want to maintain that blog and pay for the domain, but I don't want to lose the writing either, so I'm posting it here.

The name of the old blog?  The Humanities Report.

How I Stopped Destroying My Fingernails

I think 3 weeks ago now I got disgusted enough with myself to really stop biting my nails.  It's a habit that has been with me for a long time but it was a compulsion to bite at my nails and my cuticles.  It was gross. It's an image I've never wanted to project.

So I stopped.

My cuticles are still puffy from the years of trauma they've endured.  Excuse the slightly tacky nail polish, but keeping a good manicure is the only way I've found to really keep from picking.

Here's what I did to stop.

I picked up a bottle of this stuff at the drug store.  SUPER NASTY tasting, but in a couple of days I realized I put my fingers to my mouth roughly 85,000,000 times a day.  I just didn't know.  I couldn't believe how serious it was.

Awareness is half the battle.

I was constantly aware because the ends of my fingers were literally itchy from not being messed with.  I would chew or pick until I bled, and I guess my fingertips were used to nearly constant stimulation.  It's a really weird feeling.  I found that just pressing on the cuticles around my nails would help it to go away.

The other thing I did was figure out how to stop the little bits of dry cuticles from tempting me to pick or chew my fingers.  I did a lot of research and discovered that this:

Is some of the best rated cuticle creme ever.  It's also some of the most expensive EVER.  But the texture is exactly right- very thick and moisturizing and healing, slightly sticky.  I've tried other cuticle cremes and oils and even Neosporin, but nothing compares to the Christian Dior Abricot Creme.

So, what has worked:  forced awareness, nice manicures (if it gets chipped I will pick at it, and then it's all over), and stupifyingly expensive moisturizing creme.  And gallons of regular old hand cream.  Currently I'm using the Nivea Extended Moisture Hand Cream.

 Dehydration is the enemy.

It's working.  But I have to be very vigilant because it is really easy to slide right back into the habit.  Someone actually complimented my nails the other day.  And they don't embarrass me anymore.

And I also don't have to worry about getting some staph infection or something in my cuticles.  Ugh.

My Mirena Experience

Hey Blog World!

I don't know if anyone noticed, but I really don't blog much anymore.  I'm working on a new blog at another site and when it's ready I'll link it back over here.  It's a much more focused blog and addresses human rights around the world- things that make me really angry and tend to get ignored.  But it's not ready yet!

I am jumping back over here today to write about my experience getting an IUD.  I am doing this because before I had mine "installed" I googled a lot and read everything I could get my hands on about it and what to expect and the pain levels involved.  My sister had a not-too-lovely month of bleeding after she got hers, and my best friend couldn't get through the procedure (she described pain, sweating, nausea, and near-fainting, and then after all that the IUD came right back out and she couldn't bring herself to go through it again).  I feel like it is important to share what I felt for anyone else making these choices.

I'm not going to gloss over anything.  So if you get grossed out just stop reading and rest assured that it was FINE.  Nothing like the horror stories I read or heard about.  But if you want more detail, here it is!

Here's a brief history of my birth control (yes, let's share this with the world!):
I started taking various BC (birth control) pills on and off when I was probably about 17 for really irregular periods and acne.  Good old Aunt Flo has never been what you might call predictable.  Back in the 90s I started with Ortho-Cyclen.  It was fine.  At some point my blood pressure got kind of high so I was switched to Mircette.  Still high.  There might have been another BC pill in there, but then eventually  I was switched to Yasmin. About 2 1/2 weeks after I started taking it my heart started skipping beats about every 10 seconds.  The nurse at the student health clinic didn't believe me until she heard it. Thumpthump.  Thumpthump.  Thumpthump.  Thump_______.  Thumpthump.  Woooo did I get a look.  That was a very scary day when I had to go get checked out for a pulmonary embolism.  Everything was ok, I stopped the pills and my heart was back to normal within 48 hours.

It was determined that the pill was probably not my bestest bet.

So then I took a break from BC, but once I really needed full-time reliable birth control again I tried the NuvaRing, and I was extremely happy with that for 8 YEARS.  I can't believe it has been that long!  It's easy to use, pretty much foolproof, the timing is fairly flexible, and (for me) it didn't seem to have many, if any, side effects after the first few months.  But I was getting sick of remembering to take it out and put a new one in.  I know, how lazy can I get?  I knew that the IUD was a better choice because you don't have to remember to use it, it has a lower dose of hormones, and is even more effective, so I decided to investigate further.

There are a lot of lingering horror stories from the 1970s about punctured uteruses (uteri?), pelvic inflammatory disease, and women being made barren (I'm using that word for dramatic effect.  BARREN!) from screwed up insertions and products.  And there are myths that IUDs are only suitable for women who have already had children.  Or that they're only suitable for women who are married.  (Seriously, they really make it sound like either having an IUD will turn you into some sort of whore or your whoring ways will turn you into an even  whorier diseased  whore).  Technology has come a LONG WAY in 40 years, and the IUD is no exception.

I have never been pregnant, therefore I have never given birth.  This seems to make a difference in comfort levels during the insertion process. Some doctors are a little behind on the latest research and recommendations, but my doctor was happy to tell me all about it and couldn't praise it highly enough.  His rundown of available options:

• The ParaGard (copper IUD), lasts 10 years and contains zero hormones but tends to make your periods really heavy and gives you bad cramps.  I really did consider this one because I like the idea of not dealing with hormones anymore but there are better options....
• Mirena:  Low dose of hormones, lasts 5 years.  Many people stop having periods completely.
• Skyla:  Very similar to the Mirena, but slightly smaller physically with an even lower dose of hormones.  It lasts three years.  My doctor dismissed it as being "for teenagers".

I went with the Mirena.  My sister has it and she loves it.  I can't ask for a much more glowing recommendation.

I was very nervous about getting it put in though.  My doctor said he'd use some Novocaine to numb my cervix and since I haven't had babies he would use a cervical dilator to open things up and make the whole process more comfortable (Well, I'm not sure if comfortable is the word.  Less painful maybe?).  My appointment was for Tuesday.  I started taking Advil on Sunday to try to get my body ready for the cramps.  I took 2 Advil every 8 hours on Sunday and Monday, and then doubled the dose on Tuesday.

Tuesday afternoon came and there I was on the table stark naked from the waist down with a paper sheet over my lower half.  Did I mention that during your period is the best time to do this?  That's when your cervix is the most open.  The doctor came in and got right down to business.

First he cranked me open with the speculum, and he had to use a metal one for this.  God I hate that.  It's so cold.  He swabbed the decks with some kind of iodine-type disinfectant.  Next he did the Novocaine shots.  This is when things were decidedly uncomfortable.  It's one of those situations where doctors say "This might pinch a bit," and you both know they're lying, it's gonna fucking HURT.  He also said I might get a weird taste in my mouth or feel a little high for a few seconds.  (Nope.)  Next he clamped my cervix to stabilize it so it wouldn't move around while he was doing the next couple of steps.  Then, and this is what I was dreading, he did the sounding which basically measures how big my uterus is.  They have to know how far in to place the IUD, so they stick a plastic rod up in there until they hit the back (top?  back? other side?) of your uterus.  This, my friends, is where the cramps start.  I expected it, and it wasn't the worst thing in the world.  But I definitely wouldn't choose to repeat it.

After that they inserted the IUD.  DEEP BREATHS.  Big cramps.  Then he used some cotton to swab up the blood and iodine and god only knows what else, released the speculum, and I was done.  It really wasn't half as bad as I was prepared for.  The sounding was the worst, followed by insertion being 2nd worst.  The entire procedure probably took about 3 minutes.

He asked when my husband and I plan to have more kids.  I pointed out that I haven't had any kids to begin with (just ignoring the whole "husband" part), and he said, "Oh...  OH!  That went really REALLY well then."  He completely forgot about the dilators.  Apparently my cervix is Mammoth Caves or I'm a damn champ.

I sat up and he told me a couple of things (strings?  tampons?)  I don't remember at all because suddenly I got very clammy and nauseous and experienced one of those lovely vasovagal response spells.  The doctor had me lay back down and told me that whenever the cervix is messed with there's a slight risk that the vagus nerve will freak out and make you faint.  I didn't faint but I was definitely unhappy for a few minutes.  I lay down for 10 minutes, had some water, and then drove home.

The whole time after the IUD was in place I had really bad cramps which I imagine was my body saying, "Get it out get it out GET IT OUT!"   There was so much blood on my paper sheet when I got up that I'm pretty sure my uterus cramped out my entire period in a space of 10 minutes.  I know, you're charmed.  Just be prepared to shower when you get home.

I slept for a few hours, just like you'd take a nap during a really bad period.  I wasn't terribly hungry and I was nervous that my IUD was going to fall out or something (ridiculous).  I hung out with the heating pad, took some leftover Lortab, and slept it off.

The next day I was tired, but the cramps were gone.  I kept taking Advil that day and the next just in case.  Physically though I felt fine and was good to commence with, ahem, "relations" probably 3 days later.  Per my doctors instructions I did another month of the NuvaRing (like all hormonal BC, the Mirena takes a week to take full effect and he wanted to make sure I was completely covered). 

It's not long enough to know if I'll have regular periods yet or if they'll disappear or what.  But so far (about a month) I haven't thought about the IUD much at all.  I can't feel it, my boyfriend hasn't noticed the strings, and just knowing that I won't have to think about birth control for another 59 MONTHS is amazing.

I'd do it again in a heartbeat just for that.  Totally worth it.

I hope this helped.  Clearly I'm not a doctor (nor do I play one on TV), so don't take any of this as medical advice.  The whole thing was free (thank you insurance!).  I just want to share what my experience was so you can find one good or at least not so terrible story in a sea of THOUSANDS of horror stories.

Irrational RAGE!

Last week I was driving through a school zone with a crossing guard and everything.  The speed limit was 15 mph.  It was the first day of school and traffic was at a dead stop because every parent on the planet needed to pick up their kid on the first day!  Well okay, I can understand that.

But I only had a few minutes to grab lunch before my next meeting.  I did a u-turn and went back to go down a side road and get out of school traffic hell.  Very aware that I was still in a school zone I was going maybe 13 miles an hour.  I went to turn right onto the side street and "TWEEEEET" the crossing guard was glaring at me.

Huh?

Maybe I'm not supposed to turn?  I look over again and she's doing that "slow it down" hand tamp thing.  I look at her like "SERIOUSLY?"  She keeps glaring.  And whistling.  What.  The.  Fuck?

I HATE THAT.  I hate when people accuse me of speeding when I'm not.  It makes me furious.  It's happened 3 times in the past 2 years and each time I have been tempted to get out of the car and be like "WHAT?!"

The last time was a guy in a neighborhood on the way to dog daycare.  I drove by at 25 mph and he screams, "SLOW DOWN!!!!!!"  My radio was on and I could still hear him.  He is LUCKY I didn't get out of my car and stomp my way over there and demand to see his speed gun.

The time before that was at the airport on a very crowded day.  I stopped to pick up a friend at the curb and the security guard knocked on my window and told me to watch my speed.  I was so incredulous that I actually said, "Me?"  And she was all attitude, "I'm TALKING to you, right?"

Oh boy.

I don't have a fast looking car.  It's not like that commercial where the dog runs into the car because it looks like it's going fast when it's actually parked.  I haven't had a speeding ticket since 1999.  I'm not going to say I'm perfect because I do stupid stuff just like the next person.

VROOOOOMMMMM!!!!!!

But oh my God, accuse me of something I didn't do and I AM LIVID.

This side of myself is a surprise.

What's your irrational rage trigger?