Sexism. It's Everywhere.

THIS is a fantastic commentary on a wonderful speech about sexism on the show “Scandal” of all things.  Lisa Kudrow does a great job as a woman who is trying to get the nomination for president.  She completely dresses down her opponent, the interviewer, and the network for the every day subtle sexism that plagues the lives of women everywhere.

I don’t know how long this link will work, but I hope it isn’t pulled before you get to see it.

Originally posted 11/11/13.

"EXCUSE"???

This brilliant piece of writing is in response to this obnoxious photo.

I wish that there wasn’t a need for those who aren’t fitting into society’s mold to list their reasons why, but I know it is necessary.  Until people understand there will never be acceptance.  And when it comes to body image, fat acceptance, and ending the desire to cover bullying criticism with “concern”, understanding is the only way to go.

What the hell is so scary about fat people?

One of the comments on the post pointed to this excellent, and very moving, TED talk:

I’m not saying anything new, I just want to put it out there and share.

Originally posted 10/31/13.

Break the Cycle

I recently had a conversation about race and labels that really set the wheels in motion about the bigger picture.  I’ve been thinking about it for days.

It made me feel like a tree-hugging hippie too.  But sometimes I am a tree-hugging hippie.

I went to dinner with some friends of mine last week, and the issue of race came up.  It wasn’t so much the issue of race as it was the issue of labels.  Specifically, the word “nigger”.  (I have to admit that just typing that made me feel like a horrible person.  But it is the point of this post so I’m not going to gloss over it by saying “the n-word”.  That would take the power from the word.)

So, the person talking about this grew up in the deep south.  He and his friends have no problem using the word “nigger” and other derogatory terms for black people.  He laughed it off like it’s not a big deal.  He pointed out that black people use that word with each other all the time, so why is it any different when he says it?

Then he said that where he’s from black people hate white people just as much as white people hate black people, so what is the problem with using words like that when they’re just as racist as we are?

I can’t even describe the thoughts that race around my head when conversations like this come up.  I am going to try to put them in order but it gets messy.

#1 Labels.  Words hurt.  My friends and I can sit around and joke about my fat white ass, but if a stranger talks about my fat white ass that’s a WHOLE other thing.  It goes from casually laughing with friends to being targeted for an aspect of my physicality.  If I call my close female friends “tramps” or “hookers” it is from a place of silly fun.  I never mean it, and the irony is that if I did mean it I would certainly never say it.  And I would NEVER label a stranger with a word like that.  I have a feeling that being called a nigger would feel about 1000 times worse.  I have no exact frame of reference, since I am a white person, but being a woman can be marginalizing as well.  So maybe I do have a hint of understanding about this.

#2 While I’m sure that I have subconsciously racist tendencies just like everyone else, I really don’t like being put in the “us” versus “them” box when people talk about race.  If “we” hate black people, and “we” are hated by black people, I don’t want to be a part of your “we”.

#3 Stereotypes.  Generalizations.  I am sure that not every black person in Mississippi hates white people.  And vice versa. Groups of people may share some attitudes, but there are always exceptions.  There are always going to be those who don’t identify with a group they inherently belong to.  And there will be those who are actively trying to change perceptions and relations.

#4  Which ties directly to this: telling yourself that an entire group of people hates you gives you an excuse to not bother trying.  This is cowardice and laziness and fear.  Don’t get to know people who are different from you, they’ll hate you anyway.  Don’t waste your precious time helping your neighbor, they won’t want your help because they hate you.  When you examine Muslims vs Christians, Rich vs Poor, Black vs White, Gays vs Whoever Hates Gays (for whatever reason), there is an underlying idea that the few represent the whole.

Are all Muslims terrorists?  Of course not.  If those who hold hate towards all Muslims did some research they would be shocked at how peaceful the religion is.  I can’t think of one religion where killing is condoned, but all religions have some extremists who use their faith as a front.

Are all Christians right-wing conservatives?  Of course not.

Are all poor people lazy good-for-nothings and all rich people greedy republican snobs?  Again, of course not.

Do all black people and all white people hate each other?

I hope you see where I’m going with this.

And here’s where I turn into a hippie.  We are all citizens of this planet.  We are all people with the same feelings, hopes, and fears.  We all want our children to have better lives than we do.  Nothing makes us better or worse than anyone else except for maybe being close minded and indifferent.  The world won’t be a better place if we don’t put aside our differences and come together in the spirit of understanding and bridge-building.

If you want to be Christian about it, Jesus taught about acceptance, and loving your enemies while praying for those who persecute you.  Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.  Do you want people to hate you?  No.  No one wants to be hated.  So you have to be the one who turns the other cheek and practices what you preach.

Be a rebel!  Be the one who goes against the grain and questions hatred and prejudice.  Am I getting preachy?  Yes.  Because I truly believe that intolerance and a lack of compassion or understanding are where the world’s problems come from.

I will leave you with quotes!  I have heard these so often since I was a child that they feel familiar as breathing, but when you really REALLY think about them, they are profound.

“Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that.  Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.”  Dr Martin Luther King, Jr.

“Nothing in this world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity.”  Dr Martin Luther King, Jr.

“You must be the change you wish to see in the world.”  Mahatma Gandi

“A coward is incapable of exhibiting love, it is the prerogative of the brave.”  Mahatma Gandi

Originally posted 10/30/13.

Oh Balls

“We find that for women who continuously drive cars, their children are born with varying degrees of clinical problems.”

No word yet on the effects it will have on the testes.

Originally posted 10/1/13.

Shaking My Head

This story made the news last month.  A judge ruled that a couple couldn’t name their baby “Messiah.”  She made them change it, even though the case she was working on pertained to the baby’s last name, not the first.

Problem solved.

I’d like to point out that there are a number of names that also mean Messiah or “Anointed”.  A quick Google search brought up: Christian (and it’s million variations), Emmanuel, Shiloh, and Seth.

I am constantly amused/bewildered/outraged  by Tennessee and wonder what those who don’t live here must think of the people and politics.  Sometimes it is baffling.

Originally Posted 9/24/13.

Incorrect Language

This article on CNN details what happened to a child when she was married to a man in his 40s in Yemen.  The first sentence says:

“Yemen’s human rights minister wants child marriage outlawed after an 8-year-old girl reportedly died of internal injuries that she suffered on her wedding night.”

While this sentence is outlining a horrible act that happened to young girl, it doesn’t go far enough or place the focus in the right place.  Where is the mention of her attacker (husband)?  A better way to put this sentence might be:

“Yemen’s human rights minister wants child marriage outlawed after a 40 year old man raped an 8 year old girl, resulting in her death.”

Wedding night brings to mind romance, anticipation (the good kind), and kindness.  It doesn’t invoke the terror and violence and pain this child experienced.  Later in the story they phrase this type of violence against girls in a slightly better way: “In 2010, a 12-year-old Yemeni bride died of internal bleeding following intercourse three days after she was married off to an older man…”

There is a lot of controversy in Yemen around this crime, the least of which is if it is even a true story.  To me the fact that it is possible is enough.  It is bringing up the right questions so maybe something positive will come out of it and the laws can be changed.  This is not the first story of its kind out of Yemen.

CNN should know better than to make the story only about the girls who are married off too young.  The story should be about why men in their 30s, 40s, and older are finding it acceptable to “marry” and then rape girls who are far too young for sex in every way.  They may be their wives by law and probably considered property (that may be the only means of survival for girls living in extreme poverty around the world), but they are still children.  Anyone who can’t recognize that needs help.

Originally posted 9/17/13.

Language and Labels

A TED Talk about  violence against women.

What struck me most in this was how the language of violence against women is framed to keep from labeling men (or attackers) as abusers and therefore labels women (or the attacked) as victims, starting at about 2:50.

1.  John beat Mary.  (John is the subject, Mary is the object)

2. Mary was beaten by John.  (Same sentence, passive voice, Mary is now the subject)

3. Mary was beaten.  (John is out of the picture, it’s all about Mary)

4. Mary was battered. (The term commonly used now)

5. Mary is a battered woman.  (Mary’s identity)

Do you see how men have been completely removed from the story, and therefore from claiming responsibility?  The label and responsibility now rests on the person who is abused.  You rarely hear in the news that “A man raped a woman,” it’s almost always, “A woman was raped.”  Language is a very powerful tool in the fight for equality and identity of people as people, not just victims.

While I am all for protecting victims and making sure they are not named if they don’t want to be, I think it is important that the person abused has an identity outside of what was done to them, while the abuser is held responsible.  So when you look at your neighbor with the bruises you don’t think, “Oh poor Mary, why is she still there?”  Instead you could think, “John belongs in jail.”  Although the statistics on that are depressing and show a shocking lack of resources for the Marys of the world.

Originally posted 9/17/13.

Introduction

Hello.  My name is Heather and I am a developing feminist/humanist.

After posting so many articles and other forms of information on facebook having to do with inequality and injustice around the world and in my own back yard, I decided it was time to just give the subject its own space.