rating: 4 of 5 stars
I actually read this back in February when my mother and her partner saw Steve Harvey on Oprah and it really got to them- they kept bringing him up. And if this made an impression on two women who are done with men romantically, well, I had to check it out. This book is great because it is common sense. The older I get the more I realize that yes, women are women and men are men and there is very little changing that or getting around it. Our minds WORK DIFFERENTLY, and no matter how much you try to understand it or fiddle with the way your significant other communicates with you, it isn't a long term solution. If you sit back and embrace it you will probably get better results and be happier with your relationships. Now, I should say that this book has a bent toward the traditional- the woman who wants a family and kids or at the very least a solid long term relationship.
Here were the important points for me:
-A man who comes up to you has a plan. He wants something from you. It's your job to decide if he gets it and how much it will cost him. If he feels you are worth the price (and you are), and we're clearly not just talking financial investment (because THAT'S sort of a slippery slope to whoredom), he'll stick with it. If not, well, don't waste your time.
-Lay down the rules right away and early on in a relationship as to what is and what is not acceptable behavior. He uses Momma's Boys as the big example, but really this could apply to anything. A girl's gotta have standards, dammit. Like cheating- another example. Men cheat because they can. You have to make it clear from day one that you won't tolerate it, and that you'll hold up your end of the bargain so they don't feel the urge to stray. This is so not me condoning cheating, but... it makes sense when you read his take on it.
-The five questions to ask before you get attached are really smart.
-Introducing a guy to your kids (if you have any) from day one is also smart. Why waste your time with someone who isn't going to be good with your kids? Who doesn't like kids? Who doesn't want to be the father figure in your family?
-The next one I think a lot of my friends would have problems with because it feels like playing games. The 90 day probation period. Most (and I mean MOST, not all) women I knew are hooked pretty bad once they sleep with a guy. Get your priorities in order. If a job makes you wait 90 days for benefits to kick in, a woman should be allowed to wait 90 days before giving benefits too. Believe me I know how old fashioned this sounds, but when you read the book it makes sense.
-Let men do the manly stuff. This is the one that I have the hardest time with. I am perfectly capable of lifting heavy stuff and using a drill, but to make the dynamic work sometimes you just have to let a guy be a guy and take care of stuff for you. And if it keeps the spark alive then I'm all for it.
-One other thing, men should be able to provide for the people they love and they should take pride in it because it makes them feel like they are MEN. So let them pay.
So yes, this is pretty sexist stuff. But if you are looking for a relationship I think this guy really has some excellent points. And it also is a great book for cutting through the crap and not wasting your time on guys who just aren't looking for the same things you are. I wish this book had been around when I was just starting to date- it would have saved me a lot of heartache.
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