I had such grand plans for today. I was going to get so much knocked out so that I could really relax and enjoy the rest of my vacation. I wanted to get my recycling over to the recycling center, go to the bank, mail my dad's birthday box.... Instead I spent the day dyeing my eyebrows, watching "Dexter", eating popcorn, drinking wine, and admiring my toenails sans nail polish. My spirit (call it what you like) knew I needed today to chill out.
I think Christmas took a lot out of me. I love my family- they are the most important people in the world to me and I'd do anything for them. But as with any other family, we are not exactly a Hallmark Special. Things get tense and people get pissy though for the most part everyone tries to be really nice and keep the peace. Then the ruffled feathers are smoothed back down but I still come away with this feeling of... how do I put it? WHAT THE FUCK?
To make things a little more interesting, throw in divorced parents, each with their own significant others who have their own piles of Christmas obligations and expectations and families. You will slowly lose your mind in the midst of the scheduling and smiling.
So I drove home yesterday just mulling everything over in my head. I knew things were getting out of control when someone called me and it was all I could do to not say, "You NEVER listen to me!" I was officially hitting the upper limits of my ability to stay nice. I felt like I was four years old and needed some SERIOUS attention. This is what Christmas does- it not only pulls out your inner child, but makes her want to pitch a temper tantrum because nobody has noticed how well she is behaving! (Hey, 4 year-olds rarely make sense or think things through in a logical adult manner.) Bottom line: there were some great moments about Christmas this year (and some positively WEIRD ones), and in the end I thought it was a success. I am glad I took some extra time off work this week so I could not only process some of the extra pieces added to my outstanding set of emotional baggage (it's designer- jealous?), but to clear some of the physical clutter out of my apartment as well.
The New Year is coming- time to clean up, incorporate my new fantastic Christmas presents into my life, and drag out the diet books. I really need to recommit to this activity they call "exercise" after all of this Christmas eating.
Monday, December 29, 2008
Facing the Facts
Well, today I have had to own up to the cold hard truth: I have wimpy eyebrows.
As I've said again and again I have really light blond eyebrows and I have been filling them in with powder or pencil since I was about 14 years old. That was around the time I read The Shell Seekers and one of the main characters in that book gets her eyelashes and brows tinted (she couldn't wear mascara because if she could we would not have had this big dramatic literary moment) and is instantly more attractive and the hot gardener falls in love with her and suddenly her whole life is changed. Clearly this had a MAJOR impact on me as I still remember it 15 years later. (Also, besides your mouth your brows are the most expressive part of your face so they should be fairly well defined.) So today I bit the bullet. I bopped over the Sally Beauty Supply and picked up a box of eyebrow tint. I figured since I won't be back at work for a few days I would have time to exfoliate any massive screwups from my skin and figure out how to cover up the brows if it all turned out really bad.
So, the hardest part was covering the skin surrounding my brows with Vaseline. I kept running it into my brow hair and I'd have to wash it all off and start over. I put on the first step of the process, waited a few minutes, and put part 2 on with an old mascara wand. Yes, it sort of ran and stained my skin (but the stain remover worked great, even though it burns a touch if you're sloppy like me, and even though I have a sneaking suspicion it might be straight bleach in a little tiny jar). Then I washed it off and saw... nothing. 3 hairs were a little darker and that was about it.
Take 2: I tried again (the box said that was ok). But this time I left off the Vaseline, used q-tips instead of the brush, hauled out my magnifying mirror, and moved the operation to the living room where there is much better light. I'll keep doing all that in the future. I waited a few minutes, and washed everything off. A little stain remover action with the q-tips again and... I have eyebrows.
HOWEVER, I do not have full lush fabulous brows that were just waiting to be discovered with the application of a tint. And I was kind of hoping I would get done and look like Brooke Shields. Oh well. They still look pretty good. The color is a nice medium brown that doesn't look funny with my hair color, as in not too red or yellow, just completely natural. I will probably still use a little brow pencil just because I am a creature of habit, but it will be nice to know that when I rub my face at the end of the day my eyebrows won't come off on my hand. I'll hold off on tweezing for a while so there is more to color the next time around. I got a huge box of 40 applications and these babies will need to be touched up every 2 or 3 weeks, but I think it's worth it.
As for my lashes, I'm chicken. I'm not touching them. With my luck I'd go blind out of pure vanity. How embarrassing would that be?!
As I've said again and again I have really light blond eyebrows and I have been filling them in with powder or pencil since I was about 14 years old. That was around the time I read The Shell Seekers and one of the main characters in that book gets her eyelashes and brows tinted (she couldn't wear mascara because if she could we would not have had this big dramatic literary moment) and is instantly more attractive and the hot gardener falls in love with her and suddenly her whole life is changed. Clearly this had a MAJOR impact on me as I still remember it 15 years later. (Also, besides your mouth your brows are the most expressive part of your face so they should be fairly well defined.) So today I bit the bullet. I bopped over the Sally Beauty Supply and picked up a box of eyebrow tint. I figured since I won't be back at work for a few days I would have time to exfoliate any massive screwups from my skin and figure out how to cover up the brows if it all turned out really bad.
So, the hardest part was covering the skin surrounding my brows with Vaseline. I kept running it into my brow hair and I'd have to wash it all off and start over. I put on the first step of the process, waited a few minutes, and put part 2 on with an old mascara wand. Yes, it sort of ran and stained my skin (but the stain remover worked great, even though it burns a touch if you're sloppy like me, and even though I have a sneaking suspicion it might be straight bleach in a little tiny jar). Then I washed it off and saw... nothing. 3 hairs were a little darker and that was about it.
Take 2: I tried again (the box said that was ok). But this time I left off the Vaseline, used q-tips instead of the brush, hauled out my magnifying mirror, and moved the operation to the living room where there is much better light. I'll keep doing all that in the future. I waited a few minutes, and washed everything off. A little stain remover action with the q-tips again and... I have eyebrows.
HOWEVER, I do not have full lush fabulous brows that were just waiting to be discovered with the application of a tint. And I was kind of hoping I would get done and look like Brooke Shields. Oh well. They still look pretty good. The color is a nice medium brown that doesn't look funny with my hair color, as in not too red or yellow, just completely natural. I will probably still use a little brow pencil just because I am a creature of habit, but it will be nice to know that when I rub my face at the end of the day my eyebrows won't come off on my hand. I'll hold off on tweezing for a while so there is more to color the next time around. I got a huge box of 40 applications and these babies will need to be touched up every 2 or 3 weeks, but I think it's worth it.
As for my lashes, I'm chicken. I'm not touching them. With my luck I'd go blind out of pure vanity. How embarrassing would that be?!
Thursday, December 25, 2008
Merry Christmas!
I would like to wish everyone a Merry Christmas from Alabama! Presents have been opened (at least round 1 presents are opened), breakfast eaten, and now we're at that weird time between presents and Christmas dinner. This is when we sit around and look over all of our loot! And the time when I write to say...
My sister finally got my DVD of Marie Antoinette to me! I will now stop the public humiliation because seeing as she hasn't read my blog in a while it didn't even work. So I had a good plan for getting my poor DVD that has been held hostage for about 18 months now, but my part of the plan didn't even produce the guilt to get me my STUFF back.
Have a safe, happy holiday everybody!
Sunday, December 21, 2008
4 More Days (now I'm just going with it)
You will all be THRILLED to know (because I know you have all been waiting, breathlessly, for an update on my Mission: Impossible list from Thursday night), that I got most things finished. Let's have a look:
You know, I think people are being sort of Scroogey this year when it comes to Christmas decorations. So far I am not impressed. Last year around this time a lot of the apartments in my complex were all decked out for Christmas. This was probably due to the fact that there was a balcony decoration contest and if you won you'd get a sizable chunk taken off of your rent in January. They're still doing that this year, but charging $10 to enter the contest. WHAT?!?!? So I don't know if people are protesting by not putting up anything (I at least strung some lights around my railing) or if people don't care or what.
Even when I'm driving through neighborhoods I've been really struck by the lack of decorations out. Is it the economy? Do people throw away their lights and garland and buy new every year (which I've never done and I'm baffled by) and now they can't afford new ones? Is the country so overwhelmed by the task of getting the economy back on it's feet that putting up lights seems hopeless? I didn't get around to putting up a tree this year but I'm going to be out of town for the main event so it just seemed a little pointless. But then again I really haven't been in the mood either. There have been other years when I put up my little tree even though I knew I wouldn't be at home on Christmas day. Maybe Scroogey mood is catching.
But there is one thing I've seen this year that is a very important part of the Christmas of Heather. I found a house that had one of those big tacky plastic light up nativity displays, including the lighted baby Jesus in a lighted manger. I immediately called my sister so we could talk about "liltinyplassicbabyjesus" in bad Southern accents. It's a tradition. It's what we do. As she said (in her VERY impressive bad Southern accent) "It is just such a relief that in this GOD-FOR-SAKEN country the Christmas spirit is alive and well somewhere." She is so funny. Even if she DOES hold DVDs hostage.
- Last present was knitted up
- Laundry was completed, AND put away that night
- ANOTHER Heather's Christmas box was mailed Friday morning (I'm telling you, there are many of us!)
- Gas for my car was taken care of before I wrote the list- doesn't count
- Work presents are waiting in a tote bag on my front door knob so I can take them to work tomorrow.
- Christmas cards were mailed Saturday
- Talked to my Grandmother for an hour on Thursday and I have a little package to mail to her tomorrow. It'll be late but that just stretches out the festivities, right? Right.
- Cleaned the bathroom yesterday. It was pretty grotty. Now it is sparkling. Merry Christmas to me....
- STOPPED EATING THE CHOCOLATES. Yeesh. I need to give them away.
- Watched 30 Rock AND The Office, even though they were repeats, while I was knitting my hands off.
You know, I think people are being sort of Scroogey this year when it comes to Christmas decorations. So far I am not impressed. Last year around this time a lot of the apartments in my complex were all decked out for Christmas. This was probably due to the fact that there was a balcony decoration contest and if you won you'd get a sizable chunk taken off of your rent in January. They're still doing that this year, but charging $10 to enter the contest. WHAT?!?!? So I don't know if people are protesting by not putting up anything (I at least strung some lights around my railing) or if people don't care or what.
Even when I'm driving through neighborhoods I've been really struck by the lack of decorations out. Is it the economy? Do people throw away their lights and garland and buy new every year (which I've never done and I'm baffled by) and now they can't afford new ones? Is the country so overwhelmed by the task of getting the economy back on it's feet that putting up lights seems hopeless? I didn't get around to putting up a tree this year but I'm going to be out of town for the main event so it just seemed a little pointless. But then again I really haven't been in the mood either. There have been other years when I put up my little tree even though I knew I wouldn't be at home on Christmas day. Maybe Scroogey mood is catching.
But there is one thing I've seen this year that is a very important part of the Christmas of Heather. I found a house that had one of those big tacky plastic light up nativity displays, including the lighted baby Jesus in a lighted manger. I immediately called my sister so we could talk about "liltinyplassicbabyjesus" in bad Southern accents. It's a tradition. It's what we do. As she said (in her VERY impressive bad Southern accent) "It is just such a relief that in this GOD-FOR-SAKEN country the Christmas spirit is alive and well somewhere." She is so funny. Even if she DOES hold DVDs hostage.
Thursday, December 18, 2008
One More Week!
Okay, I don't know when this turned into a Christmas countdown blog, but here it is. I suddenly realized to day that I'm running out of time. All of these things keep happening that are hindering the progress on Christmas preparation, plans, and so on and so forth. For instance, work has been insane (as I predicted). This week I've done all of my employee performance reviews, had my own review, thought up big serious goals for the future, won stuff (YAY!) at the huge Christmas lunch work throws every year, and on top of that did all of my regular job stuff. And THEN I've become a little addicted to the show "Dexter" which I've been getting from Netflix. Who has time for Christmas planning with all that going on??? Then this weekend I have Scrabble club and my dad is coming to Nashville for a day to see me. So I really need to make use of the free time I have now.
So today I made a list of things I need to get done tonight, and here it is:
1. Knit my last present. That needs to be finished TONIGHT. This won't be difficult to do in theory, but keep reading and take bets amongst yourselves as to whether this will actually happen.
2. Do some laundry, you big fat slacker. Oh, that was unkind internal dialogue. But seriously, I've got to get some clean clothes hung up in my closet.
3. Get together my friend's Christmas box. Wrap the gifts, box them up.
3a. Find the wrapping paper.
3b. Find a box.
3c. Find the packing tape, and the scotch tape....
4. Get gas in the car. I actually put this on the list twice, so it was pretty important. I was down to FUMES, but I stopped by Shell on the way home from work and this is the first time in a long time that I remember paying less than $20 for a tank of gas!
5. Figure out little presents for various work people. I'm so cheap I've contemplated breaking the big pack of chocolates I got from someone else at work into little cellophane wrappers and handing them out. That feels a little too cheap, even for me!
6. Write up my Christmas cards so I can drop them in mail tomorrow while I'm at the post office with the box. Uh hunh, that'll happen. I have zero Christmas stamps but a bunch of sunflower stamps... those are festive, right?
7. Keep reading status updates on Facebook because there is no better procrastination than that.
8. Call my Grandmother to thank her for my Christmas $$.
9. Clean the bathroom- my sister will be staying over Tuesday night. And the bathroom is driving me crazy anyway. I can't act like I just clean for guests, that would be gross.
10. Keep eating little Christmas chocolates I got from work (see above) because dinner is sort of daunting.
11. Remember that my boss took a bunch of people out to lunch today so the lunch I packed can be dinner. PUT DOWN THE CHOCOLATES.
12. Just give up and sit in front of the TV and watch The Office and 30 Rock. But now I'm trying to remember if a new Grey's Anatomy is on. Doesn't look like it. Booooo. The whole Denny/Izzy thing is really ridiculous but it begs the question: if there is a brain tumor or something equally awful causing all of her hallucinations, would it be worth it for THE BEST SEX EVER that she keeps going on and on about? Maybe this should be an entirely new number on the list because that might take some thought.
Yeah, I have to go. Now I'm just using blogger to avoid all the crap I need to do.
So today I made a list of things I need to get done tonight, and here it is:
1. Knit my last present. That needs to be finished TONIGHT. This won't be difficult to do in theory, but keep reading and take bets amongst yourselves as to whether this will actually happen.
2. Do some laundry, you big fat slacker. Oh, that was unkind internal dialogue. But seriously, I've got to get some clean clothes hung up in my closet.
3. Get together my friend's Christmas box. Wrap the gifts, box them up.
3a. Find the wrapping paper.
3b. Find a box.
3c. Find the packing tape, and the scotch tape....
4. Get gas in the car. I actually put this on the list twice, so it was pretty important. I was down to FUMES, but I stopped by Shell on the way home from work and this is the first time in a long time that I remember paying less than $20 for a tank of gas!
5. Figure out little presents for various work people. I'm so cheap I've contemplated breaking the big pack of chocolates I got from someone else at work into little cellophane wrappers and handing them out. That feels a little too cheap, even for me!
6. Write up my Christmas cards so I can drop them in mail tomorrow while I'm at the post office with the box. Uh hunh, that'll happen. I have zero Christmas stamps but a bunch of sunflower stamps... those are festive, right?
7. Keep reading status updates on Facebook because there is no better procrastination than that.
8. Call my Grandmother to thank her for my Christmas $$.
9. Clean the bathroom- my sister will be staying over Tuesday night. And the bathroom is driving me crazy anyway. I can't act like I just clean for guests, that would be gross.
10. Keep eating little Christmas chocolates I got from work (see above) because dinner is sort of daunting.
11. Remember that my boss took a bunch of people out to lunch today so the lunch I packed can be dinner. PUT DOWN THE CHOCOLATES.
12. Just give up and sit in front of the TV and watch The Office and 30 Rock. But now I'm trying to remember if a new Grey's Anatomy is on. Doesn't look like it. Booooo. The whole Denny/Izzy thing is really ridiculous but it begs the question: if there is a brain tumor or something equally awful causing all of her hallucinations, would it be worth it for THE BEST SEX EVER that she keeps going on and on about? Maybe this should be an entirely new number on the list because that might take some thought.
Yeah, I have to go. Now I'm just using blogger to avoid all the crap I need to do.
Sunday, December 14, 2008
Flashback
So I was standing in Ross today waiting in a line that went on for what might have been miles. I don't know what it is about Ross lately but they only have about 3 people working that store at any time and waiting to pay is a major ordeal. Anyway I was standing there and this song starts playing. And I was standing there thinking I KNOW this song. I know I do. What the heck is this?
And then it hit me: I used to play this song ALL THE TIME my first year of college. It was on my computer. I was living in a dorm, I was missing my boyfriend, and I hadn't learned how to just be happy wherever I was (and really that's a skill that takes work on a regular basis). It was not a great time in my life. But it's a great song, so I will share it:
Believe me, this is one of the happier songs from the Eels. They're very rarely played on any normal media (they get on a lot of movie and tv soundtracks, but you won't catch them on the radio) so to hear this in the middle of a discount store when they should have been playing Christmas music was... unexpected. But I'm glad I rediscovered the song.
This weekend I finished up my Christmas shopping, did a lot of exercising, read a LOT (I'm still plowing through this damn Marie Antoinette book- it is KILLING me- I guess I haven't had a ton of time for reading lately), watched a couple of episodes of Alias and beat myself up by watching Love Actually. That movie just rips me apart every time I see it. Part of it is really hopeful and part of it is really depressing and it almost always makes me cry. But it's Christmas DAMN IT and this is one of the movies I watch at Christmas time.
I hope everybody had a good weekend! The countdown has started- this week will be crazy catching up and getting ahead before the holidays. So just remember to breathe. Soon there will be a break.
And then it hit me: I used to play this song ALL THE TIME my first year of college. It was on my computer. I was living in a dorm, I was missing my boyfriend, and I hadn't learned how to just be happy wherever I was (and really that's a skill that takes work on a regular basis). It was not a great time in my life. But it's a great song, so I will share it:
Believe me, this is one of the happier songs from the Eels. They're very rarely played on any normal media (they get on a lot of movie and tv soundtracks, but you won't catch them on the radio) so to hear this in the middle of a discount store when they should have been playing Christmas music was... unexpected. But I'm glad I rediscovered the song.
This weekend I finished up my Christmas shopping, did a lot of exercising, read a LOT (I'm still plowing through this damn Marie Antoinette book- it is KILLING me- I guess I haven't had a ton of time for reading lately), watched a couple of episodes of Alias and beat myself up by watching Love Actually. That movie just rips me apart every time I see it. Part of it is really hopeful and part of it is really depressing and it almost always makes me cry. But it's Christmas DAMN IT and this is one of the movies I watch at Christmas time.
I hope everybody had a good weekend! The countdown has started- this week will be crazy catching up and getting ahead before the holidays. So just remember to breathe. Soon there will be a break.
Thursday, December 11, 2008
14 Days! Or Two Weeks! Or a bunch of Hours!
Yeah, I wasn't going to do that math. But Christmas is COMING y'all. (Do you like that homey little touch of y'all I add to my posts from time to time? Does it make me sound southern? Am I conveying the right attitude here?) And to make me feel really Christmasy, Mother Nature has decided to play along with my mood and sent me some snow. My balcony is white. The ground is white. This is AWESOME because I left work about 10 minutes before it started and hit my front door right as the roads got slick. (I didn't literally hit my front door- the roads weren't THAT slick and besides I live on the 2nd floor of my building so it would have to be a comically terrible crash to make that happen.)
Tonight I have finished up a few projects so I have some things to show you! In honor of the occasion I am wearing my Christmas pajama pants that say things like "Naughty girls get better presents" and "Put me in the naughty corner." (Yes, it is 6:30 as I type this- what's your point? I came home, worked out, took a shower, and got into my pajamas. It's not like I'm leaving the house- no one can drive tonight anyway!)
First, a wreath. This one started out as a styrofoam wreath form and I hot-glued blue stretch velvet to it, and wrapped the whole thing with red velvet ribbon. I like it, I think it feels sort of old fashioned.
And look at the color of the velvet! It is sooooo pretty. I love it. This is the only picture where the color really turned out right:
Neeeext, anther wreath. This one I have mixed feelings on. Maybe I should call it my Mardi Gras wreath. It's insane, and I'm keeping it up until I decide whether or not I want to keep it around.
See? Crazy, right? I got a bunch of plastic shiny glittery floral stuff at Hobby Lobby, and slapped it on a wreath that already had little Christmas ornaments on it anyway. Stroke of brilliance or just plain tacky? I'll decide tomorrow when I see it in the light of day.
And I finally got around to putting together the idea I stole from Nester, who stole it from this person. We're all about stealing when it comes to art. I mean, being inspired. Or something. Annnyway, I got a really cheap frame from Goodwill. Actually, it wasn't just a frame, there was a 1970s style lion picture in it that was HIDEOUS, and I wish I'd thought to take a picture of that too. Ohhhh, it was awful. But here's the frame:
Here's a close up so you really grasp how truly ugly this is:
Do you see the fake wood grain? Well, a couple of coats of primer, some staples, and a little twine, and that frame is now a message board. Not really a message board as I don't have anyone to leave messages for, but it's a good place for coupons and Christmas cards.
It turned out to be pretty cool. The paint isn't perfect on purpose because I wanted it to look sort of worn out. And I'll be getting binder clips that are all silver sometime, but that just hasn't happened yet what with the blizzard outside.
I downloaded a bunch of Christmas music yesterday. All of the classics, including: Josh Groban's Noel. Wow, he has such a great voice. Talented little snot. And then The Mormon Tabernacle Choir doing lots of Christmas stuff (I think my parents had this on a record when I was a kid, I feel like I'm about 4 whenever I play it). And the album that MAKES IT CHRISTMAS: John Denver and the Muppets. Oh man, this still makes me laugh so hard. I am not an Alvin and the Chipmunks girl, I am a Muppets girl. I think there are two camps when it comes to this and they are VERY divided. So which side are you on?
Tonight I have finished up a few projects so I have some things to show you! In honor of the occasion I am wearing my Christmas pajama pants that say things like "Naughty girls get better presents" and "Put me in the naughty corner." (Yes, it is 6:30 as I type this- what's your point? I came home, worked out, took a shower, and got into my pajamas. It's not like I'm leaving the house- no one can drive tonight anyway!)
First, a wreath. This one started out as a styrofoam wreath form and I hot-glued blue stretch velvet to it, and wrapped the whole thing with red velvet ribbon. I like it, I think it feels sort of old fashioned.
And look at the color of the velvet! It is sooooo pretty. I love it. This is the only picture where the color really turned out right:
Neeeext, anther wreath. This one I have mixed feelings on. Maybe I should call it my Mardi Gras wreath. It's insane, and I'm keeping it up until I decide whether or not I want to keep it around.
See? Crazy, right? I got a bunch of plastic shiny glittery floral stuff at Hobby Lobby, and slapped it on a wreath that already had little Christmas ornaments on it anyway. Stroke of brilliance or just plain tacky? I'll decide tomorrow when I see it in the light of day.
And I finally got around to putting together the idea I stole from Nester, who stole it from this person. We're all about stealing when it comes to art. I mean, being inspired. Or something. Annnyway, I got a really cheap frame from Goodwill. Actually, it wasn't just a frame, there was a 1970s style lion picture in it that was HIDEOUS, and I wish I'd thought to take a picture of that too. Ohhhh, it was awful. But here's the frame:
Here's a close up so you really grasp how truly ugly this is:
Do you see the fake wood grain? Well, a couple of coats of primer, some staples, and a little twine, and that frame is now a message board. Not really a message board as I don't have anyone to leave messages for, but it's a good place for coupons and Christmas cards.
It turned out to be pretty cool. The paint isn't perfect on purpose because I wanted it to look sort of worn out. And I'll be getting binder clips that are all silver sometime, but that just hasn't happened yet what with the blizzard outside.I downloaded a bunch of Christmas music yesterday. All of the classics, including: Josh Groban's Noel. Wow, he has such a great voice. Talented little snot. And then The Mormon Tabernacle Choir doing lots of Christmas stuff (I think my parents had this on a record when I was a kid, I feel like I'm about 4 whenever I play it). And the album that MAKES IT CHRISTMAS: John Denver and the Muppets. Oh man, this still makes me laugh so hard. I am not an Alvin and the Chipmunks girl, I am a Muppets girl. I think there are two camps when it comes to this and they are VERY divided. So which side are you on?
Sunday, December 07, 2008
SWING DANCE!
Okay, so on Friday I had to find shoes so that I could go swing dancing last night. Anyone who knows me in real life probably knows that I am not a dancer. Not even a little bit of a dancer. Yes, I've got rhythm, but I can't really figure out how to get that rhythm to move all the way down to my feet. So this was a really big deal for me to do, and since I told friends I would go and since my loyal dozen readers have been waiting in a state of unfulfilled agitation since Friday night, I knew I had to go and keep my promises.This dance was in a church gym in Nashville. It was their Christmas Ball- the big event of the year- and hundreds of people were there. They did two 45 minute lessons before the dance started. The first was the waltz, which I really REALLY sucked at. I was always wanting to move my left foot when it was supposed to be my right, and then that would screw up my partner's feet, but oh well. They started by putting all of the women in a long line, and then all of the men in a long line and we all did footwork. Then eventually the women chose a partner, and we'd go over steps again. And then we'd change partners. We did that for a while and I still sucked but at least it was all kind of making sense.
The next lesson was swing dance, and that was WAY more fun and a lot easier. Until I tried to do turns, also easy, but it was hard to figure out how to jump back into the beat. We did the same thing with changing partners, and then the dance really started.
Mostly I sat with one of my friends and giggled at the slutty dresses some women chose to wear (the fashions ran the gamut from seriously dressed up for Christmas to jeans and t-shirts to middle aged women in too-short skirts and backless numbers that were just inappropriate) and watched the guys who were really good throw around 80 lb girls. This was in a church, so there was absolutely no drinking or smoking allowed. That was fine, but I think a drink or two would have seriously helped out my dance moves. My friends introduced me to some guys to dance with who all happened to be either REALLY good or actual paid dance instructors, and they knew it was my first time there so they were very helpful with just counting out the beat and telling me what my feet should do (right left together right left together and one two back step one two back step over and over and over). Awesome! I didn't feel like the klutziest person out there. But it should come as no surprise that I am terrible at following some guy's lead.
So, my thoughts on dancing? Confusing hard work but I wasn't terrible. And I think I'll try it again because I had a really good time and I know that with practice I will get to the point where I'm not perfect maybe, but also not awful. The live music was great, the people were extremely nice, and it's good for me to try out new stuff. So there you have it, my first excursion into ballroom/swing dance.
Friday, December 05, 2008
Yule at the Mills
Hey Y'all. So today I had to acquire shoes for a very important event tomorrow night, which I'll tell you all about once it has happened. If I don't chicken out. See how I'm using my blog to hold myself accountable to being social? Go me.
Anyway, I went over to Opry Mills on my lunch break to track down footwear at Off Broadway shoes. Which, by the way, is a place for super deals. I found a great pair of shoes for about $50, and found the exact same shoes on Zappos.com for $75. Always try Off Broadway FIRST. The place was crowded with teenagers (wasn't this a school day? is there some sort of federally sanctioned holiday I don't know about?) who were yelling back and forth about the keeeeyyyyuuuuuute shoes they were trying on. That pretty much denigrated into a bunch of girls throwing their socks at each other, and it was funny.
Outside the store there were a bunch of little 6- or 7-year-olds, I'm guessing a choir, zipping through their entire catalog of Christmas songs. I would not go so far as to say singing, it was more like yelling at the top of their lungs. I can't blame them, it gets really loud in there, and the poor things were standing outside the Rainforest Cafe with all those creepy loud automated gorillas and monkeys and whatnot. It was still really cute.
If you haven't been to a "Mills" type outlet mall (the only two I've been to are Opry Mills here in Nashville, and Concord Mills in Charlotte), I'll give you the rundown. The place is MASSIVE. So big that it is parcelled into "Timezones" (they're actually called "Neighborhoods" but that doesn't feel big enough to me). It is arranged in a circle, and somebody told me it is a mile to walk around the whole thing. It would be easy to spend several hours if not an entire day there. But since I'm in town and work relatively close by, I can skip all the wandering and just hit whatever store I need. Which is usually the shoe store, or the Lane Bryant Outlet, and sometimes the huge tool shop store (I forget what it's called- Workshop Tools maybe? and there's no way to make Tool Shop not sound sort of dirty) or the Bass Pro store just to wander in and see what you can find. Nashville gets a lot of tourists, and today I saw some girl wearing lace tights, which I hadn't seen around here in real life. So I guess Opry Mills is some happening fashion scene now (it so isn't, that was sarcasm).
It should go without saying that at Christmas this place is a mob scene. I don't even want to think about how it looked on Black Friday. But if you go at lunch time on a week day and it isn't too close to Christmas, the crowds aren't bad at all. I can handle that. I can handle the traffic. I can handle screaming children and grumpy grandparents leaving the Build-A-Bear Workshop. I can handle the snooty junior league types ignoring all traffic patterns as they leave Casual Corner and Saks Off 5th. I can even handle the obnoxious gangs of teenage boys lallygagging around the door of Spencer's Gifts.
What I CANNOT handle are the unbelievably pushy sales people at the kiosks. You know, those little carts in the middle of the mall that sell things like personalized license plates, cell phone covers, tacky jewelry, and calendars. Or the super crafty ones that have items like microwaveable heating pads for your neck, or "Red Sea Aromatherapy Nail Oil Diffuser Jeweled Creations". Or the 10 minute massages offered by little Asian men. Or the perfume counter where a guy made eye contact with me from about 50 feet away and then yelled "HEY! LADY! WHAT PERFUME DO YOU WEAR?!" Clearly, defensive move #1 is to avoid eye contact.
The sales techniques these people use could probably be studied by marketing companies around the world. They always ask if they can ask you a question. I HATE that. You've just asked me a question. (You just get 1, looks like you've used it up.) And people hate to be rude, so they're not likely to say "No." Defensive move #2, pretend you don't speak English. Or pretend you are deaf. Because once you get trapped into answering questions you're either going to spend a lot of time or a lot of money at that kiosk. Saying "No, thank you" really looks ridiculous when someone asks to ask something, but I do it anyway.
And then there are the people who want to touch you. Ew. They want to use a straightening iron on your hair, or they want to buff your nails, or they want to clean your jewelry, or they want to rub some sort of mystical healing ointment into your arm. But the one that creeps me out the most are the massage chairs. Today one of those little women had her hands all in someones hair giving her a head and neck massage. GROSS. If I'm going to get a massage I'm going to go somewhere and get naked and get a real professional to beat on my body for a while. I'm not getting that sort of attention in public.
The absolute worst of the kiosks for me is the one that sells the helicopters or boomerangs or other flying toys. The guys who work there (it's always guys because girls wouldn't just throw stuff around like that) fling them up in the air, high above all those people, and then non-chalantly catch them as they careen back down to earth. And I have an irrational, probably clinical, fear that one of them will land on my head when they're out of my line of vision. (I'd probably be knocked unconscious in the middle of the food court, and no one would notice my lifeless body until closing time. OR I'd come down with a crash that would draw a lot of attention and crack a tile. And in that case of course I wouldn't be so lucky as to get knocked unconscious and carted away in an ambulance to recover in peace at the hospital with a mild case of amnesia. No. I'd be completely lucid and have to make a statement to the security guard and he'd write up a report and tell me that he'd never seen someone fall on a floor that hard, and he'd have to find a cone and some caution tape for the huge crack someone could get a stiletto caught in. And I'd really REMEMBER the incident clearly and not come to Opry Mills again out of sheer embarrassment. Yes, this is how my mind works.) So I tend to walk very quickly past that particular demonstration.
Christmas is coming. Stay out of the Mills!
Anyway, I went over to Opry Mills on my lunch break to track down footwear at Off Broadway shoes. Which, by the way, is a place for super deals. I found a great pair of shoes for about $50, and found the exact same shoes on Zappos.com for $75. Always try Off Broadway FIRST. The place was crowded with teenagers (wasn't this a school day? is there some sort of federally sanctioned holiday I don't know about?) who were yelling back and forth about the keeeeyyyyuuuuuute shoes they were trying on. That pretty much denigrated into a bunch of girls throwing their socks at each other, and it was funny.
Outside the store there were a bunch of little 6- or 7-year-olds, I'm guessing a choir, zipping through their entire catalog of Christmas songs. I would not go so far as to say singing, it was more like yelling at the top of their lungs. I can't blame them, it gets really loud in there, and the poor things were standing outside the Rainforest Cafe with all those creepy loud automated gorillas and monkeys and whatnot. It was still really cute.
If you haven't been to a "Mills" type outlet mall (the only two I've been to are Opry Mills here in Nashville, and Concord Mills in Charlotte), I'll give you the rundown. The place is MASSIVE. So big that it is parcelled into "Timezones" (they're actually called "Neighborhoods" but that doesn't feel big enough to me). It is arranged in a circle, and somebody told me it is a mile to walk around the whole thing. It would be easy to spend several hours if not an entire day there. But since I'm in town and work relatively close by, I can skip all the wandering and just hit whatever store I need. Which is usually the shoe store, or the Lane Bryant Outlet, and sometimes the huge tool shop store (I forget what it's called- Workshop Tools maybe? and there's no way to make Tool Shop not sound sort of dirty) or the Bass Pro store just to wander in and see what you can find. Nashville gets a lot of tourists, and today I saw some girl wearing lace tights, which I hadn't seen around here in real life. So I guess Opry Mills is some happening fashion scene now (it so isn't, that was sarcasm).
It should go without saying that at Christmas this place is a mob scene. I don't even want to think about how it looked on Black Friday. But if you go at lunch time on a week day and it isn't too close to Christmas, the crowds aren't bad at all. I can handle that. I can handle the traffic. I can handle screaming children and grumpy grandparents leaving the Build-A-Bear Workshop. I can handle the snooty junior league types ignoring all traffic patterns as they leave Casual Corner and Saks Off 5th. I can even handle the obnoxious gangs of teenage boys lallygagging around the door of Spencer's Gifts.
What I CANNOT handle are the unbelievably pushy sales people at the kiosks. You know, those little carts in the middle of the mall that sell things like personalized license plates, cell phone covers, tacky jewelry, and calendars. Or the super crafty ones that have items like microwaveable heating pads for your neck, or "Red Sea Aromatherapy Nail Oil Diffuser Jeweled Creations". Or the 10 minute massages offered by little Asian men. Or the perfume counter where a guy made eye contact with me from about 50 feet away and then yelled "HEY! LADY! WHAT PERFUME DO YOU WEAR?!" Clearly, defensive move #1 is to avoid eye contact.
The sales techniques these people use could probably be studied by marketing companies around the world. They always ask if they can ask you a question. I HATE that. You've just asked me a question. (You just get 1, looks like you've used it up.) And people hate to be rude, so they're not likely to say "No." Defensive move #2, pretend you don't speak English. Or pretend you are deaf. Because once you get trapped into answering questions you're either going to spend a lot of time or a lot of money at that kiosk. Saying "No, thank you" really looks ridiculous when someone asks to ask something, but I do it anyway.
And then there are the people who want to touch you. Ew. They want to use a straightening iron on your hair, or they want to buff your nails, or they want to clean your jewelry, or they want to rub some sort of mystical healing ointment into your arm. But the one that creeps me out the most are the massage chairs. Today one of those little women had her hands all in someones hair giving her a head and neck massage. GROSS. If I'm going to get a massage I'm going to go somewhere and get naked and get a real professional to beat on my body for a while. I'm not getting that sort of attention in public.
The absolute worst of the kiosks for me is the one that sells the helicopters or boomerangs or other flying toys. The guys who work there (it's always guys because girls wouldn't just throw stuff around like that) fling them up in the air, high above all those people, and then non-chalantly catch them as they careen back down to earth. And I have an irrational, probably clinical, fear that one of them will land on my head when they're out of my line of vision. (I'd probably be knocked unconscious in the middle of the food court, and no one would notice my lifeless body until closing time. OR I'd come down with a crash that would draw a lot of attention and crack a tile. And in that case of course I wouldn't be so lucky as to get knocked unconscious and carted away in an ambulance to recover in peace at the hospital with a mild case of amnesia. No. I'd be completely lucid and have to make a statement to the security guard and he'd write up a report and tell me that he'd never seen someone fall on a floor that hard, and he'd have to find a cone and some caution tape for the huge crack someone could get a stiletto caught in. And I'd really REMEMBER the incident clearly and not come to Opry Mills again out of sheer embarrassment. Yes, this is how my mind works.) So I tend to walk very quickly past that particular demonstration.
Christmas is coming. Stay out of the Mills!
Wednesday, December 03, 2008
The H List
Ohhhh yeah, I'm taking a page from Oprah here. She's the most powerful woman in the world. When she says "Buy", women around the world say "How Many?" You watch, soon I'll be starting my very own book club in which I will convince you that the books I read are the BEST, and publishers will call begging me to endorse the latest. Retailers and manufacturers are going to be mailing me free stuff to review and convince the masses to buy. Oh yes, it's going to happen. I have a plan.
Until all that fame hits, I'm going to share with you some stuff that I've really enjoyed lately.
Glogg. This alcoholic drink is imported from Sweden, but since grocery stores can't sell anything stronger than beer in Tennesse, I can get the Glog mix in a bottle from World Market and add it to wine or rum or vodka or just water. It tastes like Christmas- all spices and delicious cuddly holiday cheer. Add to a mixer, heat it up, and drink it. MMmmmmmmm.
Glade Candles in Snow. I can't understand why people buy outrageously expensive candles. I don't see what the big deal is. I love the Snow candles. One fills my entire living room/ kitchen area with this amazing smell. And the jar is pretty.
Talbots Pants. The. Best. Pants. Ever. My mom has been raving about these for a couple of years now. And I finally tried on a pair and they fit perfectly. They make me look like I've lost 20 lbs (on top of the 20 lbs I've already lost) and the fit is PERFECT. They also come in a bunch of different styles and fabrics and I love all of them. Except for the heavy, wintry tweed- that's a little too bulky. I don't need help in that area. Anyway, I now own 3 pairs. In 3 weeks. This trend MUST STOP.
Entertainment Weekly. I get this every Friday in my mailbox and I'm a little embarrassed to say that I read this before all other magazines, like Time and Business Week and all the serious stuff that crosses my path. I get so much printed media now (thanks to a my Delta Skymiles that I used to get magazine subscriptions) that if I haven't read it in a week I'm allowed to pitch it in the recycling bin without guilt. It has greatly improved the clutter situation around here.
Fage Greek Yogurt. I buy enough of this to last a week at a time at Publix and the cashier always gives me a weird look. But they're the only store that sells it around here and I LOVE it. It is expensive and it has ruined me for all other yogurt because it has a thick creamy texture and tastes wonderful. I've tried other brands but they always taste like goatmilk or something else a little off. I eat it with honey and granola for breakfast. Or with strawberries for dessert.
Amazon.com. I knocked out a HUGE chunk of my Christmas shopping Monday. I haven't really been in the mood to shop for Christmas yet, but I have had a list going for months and I decided to take advantage of the Cyber-Monday deals. I got some really great bargains. And I didn't have to deal with pushy people in crowded stores. AND my shipping was free for most items.
Southern Comfort Eggnog. The best with or without the Southern Comfort, or whatever it is you choose to throw in your nog. Personally I like some rum and a little nutmeg. I don't even like eggnog normally, but this is smooth and rich and sooooo good. I was excited to see it in the grocery store the other day. And tonight I have realized that this makes an AMAZING white russian. Trust me on this.
Marie Antoinette. I'm reading a really good biography about her (I was reading this a while back, and then I stopped for a book club book, and now I'm back to it). She's human. And one day maybe my sister will send back my DVD of the movie. (Does public humiliation work?) She was definitely a victim of bad PR during the French Revolution. I feel sort of sorry for her.
I think that's it for now. Next time I'll have to get Oprah style pictures (bright colors, white background, tasteful styling) for added effect.
Until all that fame hits, I'm going to share with you some stuff that I've really enjoyed lately.
Glogg. This alcoholic drink is imported from Sweden, but since grocery stores can't sell anything stronger than beer in Tennesse, I can get the Glog mix in a bottle from World Market and add it to wine or rum or vodka or just water. It tastes like Christmas- all spices and delicious cuddly holiday cheer. Add to a mixer, heat it up, and drink it. MMmmmmmmm.
Glade Candles in Snow. I can't understand why people buy outrageously expensive candles. I don't see what the big deal is. I love the Snow candles. One fills my entire living room/ kitchen area with this amazing smell. And the jar is pretty.
Talbots Pants. The. Best. Pants. Ever. My mom has been raving about these for a couple of years now. And I finally tried on a pair and they fit perfectly. They make me look like I've lost 20 lbs (on top of the 20 lbs I've already lost) and the fit is PERFECT. They also come in a bunch of different styles and fabrics and I love all of them. Except for the heavy, wintry tweed- that's a little too bulky. I don't need help in that area. Anyway, I now own 3 pairs. In 3 weeks. This trend MUST STOP.
Entertainment Weekly. I get this every Friday in my mailbox and I'm a little embarrassed to say that I read this before all other magazines, like Time and Business Week and all the serious stuff that crosses my path. I get so much printed media now (thanks to a my Delta Skymiles that I used to get magazine subscriptions) that if I haven't read it in a week I'm allowed to pitch it in the recycling bin without guilt. It has greatly improved the clutter situation around here.
Fage Greek Yogurt. I buy enough of this to last a week at a time at Publix and the cashier always gives me a weird look. But they're the only store that sells it around here and I LOVE it. It is expensive and it has ruined me for all other yogurt because it has a thick creamy texture and tastes wonderful. I've tried other brands but they always taste like goatmilk or something else a little off. I eat it with honey and granola for breakfast. Or with strawberries for dessert.
Amazon.com. I knocked out a HUGE chunk of my Christmas shopping Monday. I haven't really been in the mood to shop for Christmas yet, but I have had a list going for months and I decided to take advantage of the Cyber-Monday deals. I got some really great bargains. And I didn't have to deal with pushy people in crowded stores. AND my shipping was free for most items.
Southern Comfort Eggnog. The best with or without the Southern Comfort, or whatever it is you choose to throw in your nog. Personally I like some rum and a little nutmeg. I don't even like eggnog normally, but this is smooth and rich and sooooo good. I was excited to see it in the grocery store the other day. And tonight I have realized that this makes an AMAZING white russian. Trust me on this.
Marie Antoinette. I'm reading a really good biography about her (I was reading this a while back, and then I stopped for a book club book, and now I'm back to it). She's human. And one day maybe my sister will send back my DVD of the movie. (Does public humiliation work?) She was definitely a victim of bad PR during the French Revolution. I feel sort of sorry for her.
I think that's it for now. Next time I'll have to get Oprah style pictures (bright colors, white background, tasteful styling) for added effect.
Tuesday, December 02, 2008
News Fast
Tonight it hit me: the past 24 hours I have taken in way too much awful violent news. Whether on the actual news or talking to friends, I am drained. I can't take any more talk of death, fires, burns, murder, or vandalism. It's starting to break my faith in humanity. It just can't all be that bad.
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