New Year's Eve 2007/2008

I'm not usually one for New Year's Resolutions. They feel trite and pretentious. But right now I have a couple of goals, and I figure I can document them now in time for the new year! It just happens that the timing works.

Resolution #1. Exercise 3x a week. I'm not going to make drastic changes, but I need to be sure that I am working out regularly. For the most part I eat healthy, although I am trying to cut out more processed food. But 3x a week is smart and something I can stick to, maybe even go over. Even if I am just running down to the fitness room at work and hitting the treadmill for 30 minutes, that counts.

Resolution #2. Get my debt down to a goal number this year. I've been reading a load of personal finance blogs (starting with No Credit Needed, in my blog roll), which has led to personal finance books, which led to me writing down every debt I have, who it is to, for how much, and what the APR is. I almost had a heart attack, but the good thing is that about 1/2 of what I owe is in the form of student loans with very very low interest rates so I'm not terribly concerned about that. The other chunk of debt won't be so hard to pay down because I've made a plan.
Step #1: While paying minimums on everything else, pay off my loan for getting my teeth fixed (oh yeah, still not done yet). As long as I pay that off in the year there is no interest, after a year the interest shots up to 23%! So that is definitely the priority!
Step #2: Take the money I've been putting toward my teeth, and apply that to the credit card with the lowest balance, which also has the highest APR. Then once that is payed off, put all of that money to my other credit card and pay that puppy off.
Step #3: Take 1/2 the money that was going towards credit cards, and put it toward paying off my car (again, low interest so I'm not too concerned about that one). Take the other 1/2 and put it in savings.
I guess this is a form of Dave Ramsey's snowball plan, and I think it will work for me.

In order to do this, I've made up a budget, which is way out of whack because I should have more money left over at the end of the month than I EVER do. But I know that being aware of the scope of my debt is going to help me to reign in all of those "small purchases" that really add up fast.

Part of the problem with having debt for so long was that it seemed so overwhelming that adding to it didn't feel like such a big deal. Now I know better, and I'm having a hard time forgiving the "me" of 5 years ago for the stupid choices she made. I need to let it go, and fix the problem I've created. I'm also having a hard time not blaming my parents for not teaching any money skills whatsoever when I was growing up. But again, let it go and fix the problem. I have the tools I need now, and there is no reason to start a pointless blame game with myself.

Books I've been pouring over, mostly about how to change my attitude:
The Complete Tightwad Gazette by Amy Dacyczyn
America's Cheapest Family by Steve & Annette Economides
Your Money or Your Life by Joe Dominguez and Vicki Robin
These have been great. I bought the Tightwad Gazette because it is a huge book full of useful information that I will be looking back at a lot. The other two I found at the library, which is fine because America's Cheapest family, while worthwhile for the section on budgeting alone, I won't need around constantly. Your Money or Your Life has made me sort of depressed and not wanting to go back to work on Wednesday. So I don't need to have that one around constantly either.

I know that between going to the library instead of the bookstore, as well as bringing my lunch to work everyday, I'm already seeing an improvement on the money front.

As far as impulsive purchases go, the Mikasa (to which I always want to reply "Su casa!") at Opry Mills is going out of business and the deals were incredible. I got boxes of tea candles for 40 cents each, 4 wine glasses for $16 (marked down from $60), and my Dad bought me two champagne glasses as well. The wine glasses are amazing- I've never had wine glasses, just goblets that go with my stoneware every day dishes, but I usually drink wine out of these handle-less mugs I have. Well not any more! I tried some okay-cheapo wine in one of the glasses and I couldn't believe how different it tasted. Definitely better, I think it hit my tongue in a different place or something, maybe I could smell more of the notes? I want to become better acquainted with wine, I really enjoy a glass in the evenings. So this was a good purchase.

And, now that my goals are written down and I have a better chance of sticking to them, Happy New Year!

Magic, Part 2

I have come up with another area of my childhood that gave the same feeling as Santa Claus. This has actually been bugging me since I wrote my last magic post, so I have been mulling it over and the answer was so obvious I might as well have dropped a 50 ton weight on my head:

BOOKS.

Duh Heather. There are some books (or series of books) that I think about almost every day. I'm a little embarrassed to admit that, since after all they are just BOOKS. But I had a fairly odd childhood. I was extremely (painfully) shy. I didn't have very many friends. My family moved around several times when I was growing up, and I make friends slowly, which is not a good combination for a little kid. On top of that, I remember the summer when I was 8 all of the sudden I could READ and I read everything I could find. I was homeschooled and we went to the library on a really regular basis so that wasn't too difficult. These are the books that have that magic. I feel like I know these characters personally, to the point where I find I get slightly offended (in the manner of an 8 year old) when people talk about these books like they know the characters as well as I do. In no particular order, here are some of my favorite books from when I was a kid.

#1 Little House on the Prairie. Yes, the entire series, by Laura Ingals Wilder.

SIGH. I LOVE these books. I watched to TV show too when I was growing up, but that was so sanitized and, well, diabetic compared to the books. I think my mom read the entire series aloud to my sister and me about three times through the course of our childhoods. These remind me that being a kid never changes, no matter what century you are living in. There will always be a Nellie Olsen. There will always be the teacher you don't get along with. You will you will play and you will hear stories from your parents and you will get in trouble. These are timeless. But when you go back and re-read them as an adult you see that LIFE never changes either. There will be times of financial stress, fires, death, sickness, moving, wondering if winter will ever end.... The descriptions of food alone reinforce the fact that Laura didn't have much when she was a little girl. Who ever thought that an orange would be such a luxury? Or a new dress? Or paper? They are books about growing up, sometimes growing up fast, and gaining strength and character and integrity.

#2 Narnia. Yes, the entire series, by C.S. Lewis.

I was totally obsessed with these books for several years. Did anyone enter a closet growing up and NOT secretly wish that the back would be missing and you'd be transported to another world where it was prophesied that you'd be a ruler and you'd get to ride Aslan? I didn't think so....

#3 The Dark Is Rising. Yes, the entire series, by Susan Cooper

Screw Harry Potter, this is the original magic stuff. These books are amazing. Oh, and I never saw the movie because I didn't want to ruin the image in my head, and I'm glad I didn't.

#4 Anastasia Krupnik. Yes, the entire series, by Lois Lowry

#5 Beauty: A Re-telling of the Story of Beauty and the Beast, by Robin McKinley

Wow. I love this book. I still go back and read it. The descriptions, the language, and the creative plot combine to make a really amazing story. This is not your typical Disney version of being the little woman to a monster. This is good stuff.

#6 Camilla, by Madeleine L'Engle.
This book broke my heart a little bit.

#7 A Wrinkle In Time, by Madeleine L'Engle. (Okay, really anything in the Murry/O'Keefe family of books.)

#8 Meet the Austins, by Madeleine L'Engle. (Okay, really anything in the Austin family of books.)

The last two are really special series. The Murrys are the family that the weird quantum/spiritual stuff happens to, and the Austins are more "normal". I really like how if you read far enough into the Austins the Murrys come back into the stories. Madeleine L'Engle is one of my very favorite authors, and I have yet to find a book of hers that I didn't love. Her adult writing is also amazing, particularly the Crosswicks Journals. I also LOVE Many Waters, An Acceptable Time, and The Arm of the Starfish. They aren't exactly kids books. Her writing speaks to so many people. When she died earlier this year I felt like I'd lost a friend.

I'm sure there are more, so this one might warrant a follow-up post later. There are several I could write about from an adult point of view as well.

Dental Update...

Today marks the 2nd attempt to get my permanent bridge. But, like the last time, it looks like huge chunky chiclets in my mouth instead of teeth. My teeth got a little whitening, but NOT movie-star on a wild whitening binge whitening. COME ON! My dentist is pissed at the lab, which is pretty funny. She also said, again, that my teeth could be more feminine, which was so obvious this time because the new bridge had corners you could, I don't know, slice things with?

So, there's the scoop. No front teeth, not even for Christmas.

Where the Hell is the Magic?

Today at work I was really busy. I had about 15 problems come up that had to be dealt with right away. 2 conference calls. Preparation for employee reviews over the next couple of days, which I've never done. I've only had 2 formal reviews in my LIFE, how do I review others? So I just buckle down and do it. I work through lunch. I drive home in the dark. I don't know where the day went.

And my question, as I was driving home looking at Christmas lights, was: where did the magic go? How did I get to a place where there isn't any magic? Everything can be explained away by logic or a quick internet search. Why can't there be some magic?

Remember when you were a kid and everything was so mysterious? It was fun. Beyond the fact that there weren't any "grown-up" worries like bills and taxes and food and car insurance and relationships and health (usually) and jobs and money and fat, there was magic. (I never tell kids that their worries aren't real. I remember how they sure felt real to me. You just grow into bigger problems.)

For instance, Santa Claus was REAL. There was no doubt in my mind. I'm sure the Tooth Fairy and the Easter Bunny held a piece of my heart as well (the pay-off was never as good), but do you remember that feeling at Christmas? You'd work so hard on a Christmas list sharing the Sears catalog with your sister. You'd write the sweetest most polite letter Santa had ever seen. Then on Christmas morning you'd run into the living room to see the Christmas tree surrounded by WAY more presents than were there the night before? And he knew what to get you. And the milk and cookies and carrots for Rudolph were gone. One year we even got official badges from Santa, with ribbons and everything. That was overwhelming. Exciting and awe inspiring. And slightly unsettling- how did this man get into the house? And how did he get into all of the houses in your neighborhood, town, state? How did he get all of those houses in one night?

And how did he get all of that stuff into those stockings? I remember when I had to get up in the middle of the night on Christmas Eve to pee. I had to tip-toe straight past the stockings and I tried not to look (I was a weird kid- I never looked for hidden presents before Christmas either), but I could see these HUGE candy canes coming out of the tops of the stockings. Santa had already been! How did he do that? I slept in a room not 12 feet from the spot, and I hadn't heard anything.

It might have been the next Christmas (all I know is we were in the same house) when I swear I knew when Santa arrived. That was the most excited about Christmas I have ever been in my entire life. I was probably 6 or 7 years old, and I could hardly sleep from being so wound up. I just lay there tossing and turning, and I promise I didn't sleep all night. In the middle of the night there wasn't a sound in the house. All of the sudden I heard a pop and saw a flash of light through the slats in my door (we had those folding louvered doors in that house). And I just KNEW it was Santa. We didn't have a chimney, so why wouldn't he come to the kitchen? I was too scared to get up and look. Good little children were sleeping this late at night, naughty little children were spying on Santa. I wanted presents. And I didn't hear a sound or see anything after that, but the next morning the presents were there. (And looking back on that I'll bet I was a real joy to be with for the rest of the day. A ray of sunshine even.)

A couple of years before that my sister and I heard bells behind our apartment building. Whoa.

This is what makes me want to have kids- I want to see that magic again. Maybe some people get it with religion. I'm sure a lot of people on drugs want it back. Sometimes it's almost there when MHM and I are cuddling and he'll tickle me and I'll laugh until it hurts because there is love and happiness and laughter and a little of that magic that was in me a long time ago. But back when I was little it wasn't unusual, it was every day and it was real.

Maybe that will be my New Year's Resolution, to find the magic (of course not with pharmaceutical help). There is magic in the small things, I just have to be willing to see it.

PS If you didn't grow up in a Christian household (heathens!) I'm not sure what would impart the same sense of wonder.

PPS The concept of heathens is funny.